Crisis and Faith

So far, 2012 and I are not gelling together. I haven’t run the entire work week or practiced dance, or written my journal, or worked on my pictures. My mind is shot and energy is sapped. Every new day is like a new person entering my life and I don’t know what to expect and how to handle the differences in our personality. But this is the year of ‘Do’ and living is the only option.

To deal with the situation, I decided to document it and that is very tough because I can’t share when I am in a crisis. Oh! I can talk all day and a new person might not even notice the difference but someone who has known me for a bit can tell it. I think we all have multiple facets that originate deep down and during the time of trouble that one particular part of our existence recedes within.

So, whenever I find myself caught in a situation not in my control, I freak out. I am afraid of losing and that’s what I call crisis; things that I love, my life style, work that I do, people whom I love… I have dealt with many crises in the past decade and it seems to have a pattern when emerging from a situation. I always feel blessed no matter if the outcome is what I expected it to be or something drastically different and after it’s all over, you look back and can say God did have a plan.

Faith is such an important ingredient in dealing with a crisis, you just have to know that the pinch that you felt and the horror you might experience is all a part of becoming you and no two people can share an experience . At initial stages of a changed situation I like most people analyze a lot, ifs and what ifs, and I work and talk frantically usually at something unrelated to the situation at hand. It is good to disconnect or rather connect the mind in overdrive to repetitive tasks of cleaning dishes and floors and folding laundry. And then after hours and hours of thinking, thinking even when you are sleeping and showering and driving and missing out the usual road signs; you begin to wonder, where am I going?

And it sinks in that while your mind went around in circles reaching no conclusions and your body did menial keep busy tasks, somebody actually raised you over the storm and carried you through; and the human in me with the soul of a chicken that was too scared to look and acknowledge is filled with gratitude.

The faith kicks in and even when the typhoon is unsettled you know there is no point holding on to anything, if you are good/honest at it no one can take it away from you and if they do, it is to realize that there is something you are even better at… I mean really what other option does one have, you can either live or you can die and I’d rather die while living and not while giving up.

I guess a tip I can offer is calling on old friends with whom you have warm memories and who have no clue of your present crisis, it is wonderful distraction and lets you laugh a bit and you lose some of that steam that’s building up. Also, keep the communication open, while waiting for things to play their own course you cannot burn bridges but have to keep strengthening them.

And going through a crisis while knowing that God doesn’t play dice and it will all fit in and that I will fit in, is the only sane way to keep treading forward because just like ‘giving up’, going backward is not an option either…