Here and Now

Blogging and inspiration

2012-01-27T23:00:00.000-06:00

I think everyone should blog and of course that's my personal opinion but I think we all have a story to share and there are plenty of people who would want to listen to your story and blogland connects the two, the story teller and the story seeker.
The other day over dinner DH and I started discussing our winter school uniform from our childhood and the girls got really interested in it. They have no concept of uniform dressing in school and so everything from my Mary-Jane to the color of my hair ribbons was fascinating to them. And after I was done telling them all that they scooted over to Daddy's side and prompted him to tell about it, who knew...

I remember the time as a young girl when my Dadi (paternal Grandma) and I shared a room and she told me such interesting stories, many of them we later realized were even unknown to my Dad. I wonder how many of them did I really understand at the time and how many many I recollect in completion now and of course there must have been some that I slept right through...

Besides a legacy that you might leave for others to follow, blogging is also a marker to measure your own growth. It is always easier to look back and connect the dots and use the direction as a launching pad for tomorrow rather than trying to judge on a spur, where am I headed.

Anyways, I think I made a point and you caught it....

Just because I love stories and draw a lot of inspirations from fellow bloggers, I wanted to share some blog posts/ bloggers that help me keep a healthy balance and of course my 'Can do' attitude.

Mary Jo and I became friend through scrapbooking and over the last couple of years, I am not as actively pursuing Scrapbooking as I used to but she is a really inspiration in times when I think I can't do it anymore. Her kids are in general age group as mine and when I see her pages using the latest products and creative story-telling, it compels me to document more of my own stories in a creative fashion and continue even though at albeit slower pace...

I love art but it always becomes a production to start a new project and so I am very hesitant to pick up and sketch, that is untill I saw Alisa Burke's post about drawing on a brown paper with white correction pen for personalized wrapping paper. And out came this doodle on the back of my calculation pad with Bic correction pen.

This inspiration about hanging Christmas and new year cards on the wall using painters tape came from Elsie Blaha's greetings wall and Elsie Larsons kitchen tour.

Elsie Blaha also inspired me to set smaller running targets to get back into running after taking a small hiatus Her instagram updates make me want to enjoy the mild winter that we have for this year and step out in the open for quick runs. (running a mile everyday)

Elsie Larson has been an inspiration for a long time, since I bought her first book about 52 scrapbooking projects. Have been following her art projects and fashion style on her blog for quite sometime but the recent house tour series inspires me to embrace my own style and not follow trends just for the sake of it. Here's a picture of the potential nook that I am creating in the landing/hallway for my work area...

Karen Russell is a wonderful person and I love her teaching style, I audited her 'Photographers Workshop' and absolutely loved it but what I love most about her blog is that she is too real and that inspires me.

I have been following Kal Barteski's 'love life blog for quite some time. The fact that out girls are in the same general age group, we often find ourselves dealing with same issues and its relieving to find someone in same boats as yours boat blog. I really enjoy her art and most recently the script brush art but her bullet proof attitude and war against piracy through 'Link with Love' are a major source of inspiration. I have adapted her Every Other Day philosophy to get through my cyclic chores and not be bogged down by it.

Ali Edwards' is probably one of the first blogs that I started reading and I have drawn a lot of inspiration from her. Not just from her creative scrapbooking style but also the aspect where you discover yourself through following a creative process. I follow her One little word for inspiration and have now launched into 'project life'.

Project Life - week 1

2012-01-26T22:20:00.000-06:00

Here are the first couple of pages from my Project life Album of the year 2012. Before I say anything else, I would like to say that I am really enjoying the process of documenting this way. I am thinking that I should go back and adopt this technique for making albums for the previous years.

I am big on writing everything on calendar and I use iPhoto to catalog my pictures, so it’s really very easy to go back and track the specific events. I am sure I’ll miss out on the little stories from that time which I’ll be capturing live for 2012 but I think it is doable without overwhelming myself about taking up a huge project.

So, an update on the Project life from 2012, my Core Kit from Becky Higgins, in cobalt arrived when I was in my third week of the project but I had yet to finalize pages from week one and two so ended up using bit and pieces from there mostly for journaling. I haven’t done that yet, but I plan to carry those journaling cards with me in my purse because we have the most interesting conversations in the car and by the time I reach home, the hurry to make dinner and get to activities on time take over and I often forget the ‘punch line’ from the earlier conversations that make me tick initially.

The intro page includes a picture of God ‘Ganesh’; he is the God who removes all obstacles from your path and all the prayers began with a salute to him to make sure the rest of the ceremony proceeds without obstacles. I clicked this picture on the New Year Day visit to the temple. Our pictures were taken then too against the ornate Golden door at the temple. Besides that there are my resolutions/ guidelines for the year, along with the word for the year ‘Do’.

The first week lay out is essentially mostly pictures, I wrote generously on the pictures and added a few notes. The pictures on this page are very awkward because I was trying to print square pictures on a 4x6 pallet at the local drug store. It didn’t work out good, but I am documenting life which tends to be imperfect at times…

The next few weeks should be completed soon, I intend to get caught up…

Sari- the unstitched fabric

2012-01-25T16:26:00.000-06:00

Since, my sari pictures were so well received at the ‘discomania’ that I decided to share a few pictures of Sari party that I hosted at my place last fall.

I have travelled and moved so much as a kid that I always felt that I carried my roots in my arms, roots that go beyond my ethnicity and encompass the experiences and encounters that have molded me. I have lived in this state and this country the longest I have ever lived in one place and though it is very different from where I originated, it has significantly contributed to the roots that I have finally began to let go. I have caught myself saying that I don’t want to move again till my girls are in college and that is very unlike me as I used to be.

I have taken a lot from the culture that I now call my home and I have given back equally. It is not possible for any person to live in isolation and with interaction comes exchange of ideas, of philosophy, of books, of food, of hugs and love. Well, this Sari Party was my way of giving back to the community that I have received so much from as a person and as a mother through my kids; It was a pleasure introducing friends to the ‘unstitched fabric’ or the ‘pure fabric (something that has not been spoiled by the needles made out of animal bones). There is usually 6 yards of it but it can be longer depending on the style it is tied around the body and it can be of any fabric from silk to cotton to modern day mixed fabric and has a myriad of patterns and embroideries.

Remember my sofa? It is so loved...

My dining area served as the jewelry station

Smart phone and cameras flying all around, we were on FB within minutes

I was so happy that there was someone with long hair and I could
share my braid ornament. I use it mostly for dance performance.

As you can see from the pictures, it was a lot of fun for everybody and there were some friends of friends that I didn’t know personally but ‘fun’ often crosses the boundary of time and introductions.

For me personally, it was a gathering that closely resembled the fury of getting ready and going to a friend’s wedding in India. Something that I have not experienced in a long time and was very happy to find it in such an unexpected gathering…

Just some updates

2012-01-22T22:41:00.000-06:00

Finally, I think 2012 and I are coming to some terms but I think I am still missing 2011

1. I am working on Project life still, I know hard to believe since I haven’t posted any pages so far but these printing pictures on a regular basis, specially the square format from instagram are just not working out. I hope to have the first three weeks done by Wednesday, keeping my fingers crossed. This year it is so good that the week ends on a Saturday and I have Sunday to tie the pages together with printed pictures but it’s just not happening.

A random sketch at the back of my design pad... 'Life is.'

2. I am trying to finish some decorating projects at home, I seriously wish to post a home tour pictures post, very inspired by Elsie Larson’s home tour pictures. Again, hopefully soon. I did hang DH's most cherished travel souvenir dinner mat on his office wall the other day.

DH's office wall, notice the long horns :-) he's a Bull

3. The girls are going to perform at the Hindu temple during the Saraswati Puja, next Sunday. It’s their first Kathak performance and they are both very excited about it. And so are the grandparents; eager to see them dance via Skype/you tube.

4. I haven’t gotten back on my running schedule yet but haven’t given up yet. But DH and I are trying to work out together every other day and I like the quality time together, so all is not lost on the fitness level.

5. The New CB2 store is now open in uptown Minneapolis. If you were a fan of their stuff you’ll see an end to the catalog shopping days; now you can actually touch and feel them before they are delivered to your home. They opened on 10 December 2011 but since they postponed their opening from November and a new Anthropologie store opened on Grand Ave in St. Paul on Black Friday, I just lost track of it all. I had a brief visit to the CB2 store and I love it except that they don’t have a restroom in the store which is very tough to deal with since my daughters use restroom as a break from Mamma’s shopping experience. So, now I have to leave the store if they need a break and there’s often a possibility that I lose my way back.

6. And on an opposite note, Bloomingdale’s at MOA is closing and although I haven’t shop much at the store I loved their table settings and decor nooks. Will miss that…

A display at Bloomingdales' MOA

7. I have been caffeine free for past couple of weeks and I am doing quite alright. I just had one decaf coffee on a coffee date with DH otherwise I am staying away from it, except the aroma that I let my senses enjoy since DH drinks coffee at home every morning.

8. I have finally gotten into the habit of practicing dance every day and though it’s not as much or as long as I’d like it to be, I think slowly my muscles will start remembering it all and accumulating the benefits of daily practice.

Apart from these updates I plan to finish posting all the posts that have been living a draft status for very long. I think I’ll let them appear for when they were intend to be published based on a chronological order rather than posting them as new posts now, so if there is a topic that interests you, please click on the labels to see all posts under them.

Repurposed shelf for kids room

2012-01-10T17:27:00.000-06:00

Sharing this project, which has been in the pipeline forquite sometime, but I finished it very recently. I think I acquired this piecea couple of years ago from a garage sale and it sat in the garage collectingdust and served a shelter to spiders until late last year when during acleaning spree I had to make a quick decision if I wanted to keep it or let itgo and I decided to revamp it.

I think, it was meant to be used as a jewelry-hanging shelfbut I didn’t care for the numerous hooks and little shelves. First I removedall the little hooks and gave it a good rinse. Then I primed the piece with thekilz primer. Since it was a piece for kids’ room, I let them help me and take the ownership of the piece.

I used left over spray paint from my sofa project, the heirloom white that goes perfect with the Shermin Williams’s antique white, thecolor of the baseboard and trim in the room.

After it dried completely and then some, I finally found thetime to decoupage paper that coordinated with the colors of the room. I didcontemplate using gray base color for the papers to ground the colors in theroom but finally found a balance in my scrapbooking supplies Basic Grey’s Oh Baby series. It is an oldpackage that I used for some of the girls’ baby pages and had the perfectbalance for colors and subdued background.

The piece is now complete and waiting to be hung up. Thegirls have plans to display some recently acquired squinkies and little booksand I am looking forward to it all.

Sari for Discomania

2012-01-09T01:45:00.000-06:00

When I saw Holly Becker's call for participation in the discomania virtual blogger party, I decided to dress up in a sari.
I love to wear sari, it always fits, on me and for the occasion as well, thanks to the variety of fabrics and designs available. When I shared this blog party idea with DH, he was game and took pictures and offered suggestions.
I wore two saris, the first one in peach color with net fabric. It has sequins sewn throughout the entire length and has extra bling in the front, most appropriate for this party.

The second sari that I chose is more traditional in color and although the added gems and stones is a modern touch, the embroidery and the design stems from olden day techniques. DH asked me to pose like an old fashioned bride and I readily agreed.

Hope, the virtual party or the glimpses of it were fun for you too...

Crisis and Faith

2012-01-08T22:19:00.000-06:00

So far, 2012 and I are not gelling together. I haven’t run the entire work week or practiced dance, or written my journal, or worked on my pictures. My mind is shot and energy is sapped. Every new day is like a new person entering my life and I don’t know what to expect and how to handle the differences in our personality. But this is the year of ‘Do’ and living is the only option.

To deal with the situation, I decided to document it and that is very tough because I can’t share when I am in a crisis. Oh! I can talk all day and a new person might not even notice the difference but someone who has known me for a bit can tell it. I think we all have multiple facets that originate deep down and during the time of trouble that one particular part of our existence recedes within.

So, whenever I find myself caught in a situation not in my control, I freak out. I am afraid of losing and that’s what I call crisis; things that I love, my life style, work that I do, people whom I love… I have dealt with many crises in the past decade and it seems to have a pattern when emerging from a situation. I always feel blessed no matter if the outcome is what I expected it to be or something drastically different and after it’s all over, you look back and can say God did have a plan.

Faith is such an important ingredient in dealing with a crisis, you just have to know that the pinch that you felt and the horror you might experience is all a part of becoming you and no two people can share an experience . At initial stages of a changed situation I like most people analyze a lot, ifs and what ifs, and I work and talk frantically usually at something unrelated to the situation at hand. It is good to disconnect or rather connect the mind in overdrive to repetitive tasks of cleaning dishes and floors and folding laundry. And then after hours and hours of thinking, thinking even when you are sleeping and showering and driving and missing out the usual road signs; you begin to wonder, where am I going?

And it sinks in that while your mind went around in circles reaching no conclusions and your body did menial keep busy tasks, somebody actually raised you over the storm and carried you through; and the human in me with the soul of a chicken that was too scared to look and acknowledge is filled with gratitude.

The faith kicks in and even when the typhoon is unsettled you know there is no point holding on to anything, if you are good/honest at it no one can take it away from you and if they do, it is to realize that there is something you are even better at… I mean really what other option does one have, you can either live or you can die and I’d rather die while living and not while giving up.

I guess a tip I can offer is calling on old friends with whom you have warm memories and who have no clue of your present crisis, it is wonderful distraction and lets you laugh a bit and you lose some of that steam that’s building up. Also, keep the communication open, while waiting for things to play their own course you cannot burn bridges but have to keep strengthening them.

And going through a crisis while knowing that God doesn’t play dice and it will all fit in and that I will fit in, is the only sane way to keep treading forward because just like ‘giving up’, going backward is not an option either…

DO…

2012-01-02T22:44:00.000-06:00

I am a ‘Doer’ and so when this word popped up as an inspiration for the ‘word of the year’ in my mind, I had to dig deeper and realize what prompted the thought and it wasn’t difficult to see what I am being guided into.

‘Do’ with intention, attention to detail and a big picture plan.
If you have read me before, you know I believe in the universe and look for signs while following my intuition closely. So, it’s tough to ignore signs when it’s asking you to ‘do’. I have to explain this in the same thought process as it came to me so pardon me if it feels choppy or random blathering…

I am constantly busy and setting 15 minute times to attend to chores is a most favored way of getting it done. If you noticed my graph for the miles run, it had most miles in the week before I was set to finish it; make a last minute push which is just in time that you still maintain the illusion that you finished it comfortably and you still have energy left over. If I set a target to practice my dance 25 times before my Saturday class, I usually squeeze them all in on Friday night… Do you notice a pattern here?

Yes, I ‘do’ too and I’d like to change that. Faith, intuition and belief that it will all work out is wonderful perspective to hold close to your heart but it doesn’t replace the work that needs to go into pulling it together and I have never been afraid of work, may be lazy at times but never afraid to work.
And work is beautiful; it shows and feels good to ‘DO’…

So the plan is to do with intentions of getting it ‘done’ and not in a last minute rush but at a steady pace following a plan and monitoring progress… I have made a few goals, some that I can quantify and express like the list below and others that I’d rather not because I’d rather drink 64 ounces of water each day than set an yearly target and meet it by mid-year and exhaust the allowed water quota for the rest of the year…
LOL! Ya, I am totally capable of doing that.

In 2012, I plan to…

Run 500 miles

Bike/Walk 250 miles with family (in addition to personal runs)

Make 366 Scrapbook pages

Do 12 art projects (paintings)

Document my projects better at work

Chart a path for my dream artisan project

Focus more on consumption and less on acquisition

Nurture and grow

Drink more water

Eat more vegetables

Better attend to the household chores

Finish old projects before starting new ones

Take action

DO MORE….

I found this inspirational quote at Karen Russell’s blog and it will serve as a perfect lighthouse during stormy weather… Where will I be in a year from now?

Time is inevitably going to pass and one year from today,

You can find yourself in the exact same spot you're in now,

You can find yourself further away from your goal or

You can find yourself closer to your goal –

So where do you want to be a year from now?

BTW, Happy New Year 2012

Project Life: A NEW SCRAPBOOKING PROJECT

2011-12-29T22:51:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: I have started this project by getting the supplies from the local scrapbook store and have not yet ordered the ‘Project Life’ kit online because I want to start the project right with the first week of New Year and I am not sure if things will get shipped that fast and I’ll have time to prepare it but I intend to order the basic starter kit soon. So I am not sure if it should yet be called that… “Project Life”

This is a scrapbooking project where you document your life on a weekly basis and so at the end of the year, there would be 52 two page layouts. The best thing about this style of documenting is the little pocket pages where one doesn’t have to wait till the end of the week to bring a page together, it would be more like, make as you go… I am thinking that would be a good way to add kids words, art and restaurant menus etc. that I collect anyways but never bring together in a presentable stage.

I wish this concept was around when my kids were babies and the day-to day changes were more dramatic to capture but I still think that it would be a cool way to document life for this coming year. Actually I am thinking I should transfer all the little milestones for kids that are stored on calendars into another parallel book intermittent with the baby pages that I have already made for their books.

Now I need to make a routine and stick to it because as the past record (Ali E’s a week in life project) suggests things often find their way into neatly labeled envelopes for each day with pictures and all and they group together at the bottom of the drawer to be turned into a book at a later point in time. Yes, that’s what happened to my ‘a week in life’ project and now I am taking an even bigger challenge that would require discipline throughout the year, even or especially when I am busy.

So to start out with the project, I bought an assorted multi pack of ‘We are Memory keepers’ multi pocket page. Although I haven't decided what kind of album I am planning to use but I am thinking that for consistency I will stick with their 3 ring binder too.

Next, I raided my own supply closet for those precious papers that were bought with much ohhhs and Ahhhs and were stored away for special projects. Well, I have since learned that there is no special occasion if not every moment is treated like it. So what better way to use them than to document the everyday moments?

The first pocket size I tackled was 4x6 and then 4x4. I’ll leave the other sizes pockets bare for making then in future as I go. I like the 4x4 size because I assume many of my prints are going to come from instagram, so while I made note cards for some pockets, I’ll use the others for pictures directly.

As I was planning my weeks ahead, I noted important dates, festivals, spring breaks, holiday etc. on the 4x6 that was dedicated for the week. The other thing that I have really liked about making my own 4x6 is using my own quotes. I have a habit of writing inspiring quotes/words on sticky notes and plastering my work area with that and now with this project all those inspiring words will find a home and be documented for future as well.

So, with all these preparation I began and hope to share a weekly lay out here for the next 52 weeks.

My Birthday through lens

2011-12-27T23:01:00.000-06:00

Ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery after lunch at Noodles & Company

Little pastries at midnight or close to it ;-)

Breakfast in Bed

A tour at the James J Hill Mansion

View from the James J Hill House

Waiting for lunch at Axel's

Coffee Mug from girlies...

Birthday gift from Paul J, the perfume connoisseur

Birthday Dinner cooked by DH

Mussels cooked in saffron and white wine sauce

A leisure walk on Grand Ave

Visit from a friend

My birthday exclamation cake...

A surprise gift from DH, Decorate by Holly Becker

A few quiet moments

Then we filled it with laughter

A very special bookmark

A dress from Anthropologie that fits now and not in a
hypothetical future, gift from DH...

Toe socks, return birthday gift for girlies...

Birthday rose...

100 miles – Yup, I did it

2011-12-23T22:58:00.000-06:00

It was sometime in October that I decided to run a total of 100 miles before my birthday on Christmas Eve. At the time my decision was just a way of getting back into the routine of running and averaged to about a little less than 1.25 miles each day.

There were a lot of things going on in October, including performing on stage twice which also required stage practice on each occasion, Navratri (9 day festival to celebrate goddess of Power and I fast for 8 of the 9 days), Diwali, Mum- Dad’s return from Seattle and a few other things. All the busy-ness boiled down to a whooping single digit, 2 miles total run for the October month.

November was a little less busy but hectic nonetheless. After Mum-Dad left for India, our friends from Colorado visited us for a few days, after that I seriously started the running ritual. I ran as often as the juggle called life permitted and just added 35+ miles to my record.

Before I go on with my saga, this chart will explain how challenges motivate and me and while it was a hard target to meet, I managed to beat it by a day.

When December rolled in and I was still 60+ miles away from my goal, a part of my brain felt that I can probably not make it and automatically assigned a few extra days by increasing the deadline to New Year’s Eve. Here’s where the fascinating facet of human nature shines through and I have yet to fully understand it but there was another part of my brain that took it as a challenge and refused to accept any excuses. I think it was this particular part of the brain that helped me finish my 5K early in May as I said in this post: Thankful for you, my body

I love challenges and it was amazing to see two parts of my brain fighting against each other. Actually only one was fighting; the other just extended the deadline and lay passive. I told a few people about my goal and also mention it here on my blog but there was no one that would care to remember it let alone hold me accountable, so slipping was easy. My passive brain kept telling me that it’s okay to take a little extra time as long as you get to your target that what matters in the end anyways. And against the gentlest persuasion of my passive brain, my body ran and ran.

Most runs were acceptable and mostly ran to the beat of 'podrunner podcast' but there were some awfully slow on extremely tired days and my ears pressed against the distraction of an Audio book or eyes peeled to bollywood movie, I kept on marching and to the end I have come. I am proud of myself for taking on the challenge and meeting it too… I managed a few slow 10Ks which is my goal for next year but it was good to get a head start on it this year and I can now improve upon my speed as the New Year rolls in.

Happy and Content…

What do you wish for?

2011-12-12T13:21:00.001-06:00

Why does a stomach reduced to a flat by lack of gluttony, a ripple of a muscle stretched to its form under a body assuming a warrior pose, a mind bold by the triumph of going beyond its limits seem so beautiful?

The creation of work, a building or a muscle is so much more beautiful than the glob of fat hanging on to its life and the idle chat filling in the stuffy snobbish air. This must be against the law of nature because to gain as much as possible with minimum effort is the efficiency that human body strived for. There must have been a time in history of evolution when our earlier forms must have wished for abundance of food and safety and leisure time and look, today we have got all that, well most of us especially if you are reading this post. Man (gender neutral) at certain point must have dreamt of flying and look we are doing that as well, millions of flight take off and land in the assured blanket of safety and surety.

Assuming that we got all that we wished for ourselves and also for the society if time wasn’t a limit, I have no proof but I am just projecting the growth of human kind as a whole in past few millennia; I mean for sure the monks in 2nd century BC must have wished for better ways to spread their words of wisdom and sure enough we got them but did they forget to ask for willing ears and open hearts that can overcome the egos of the mind and hunger for physical power over the weak.

They asked for food but they forgot to ask for the activity that would generate it and keep the mind from being idle or to take care of the diseases that come from being idle.

In all these questions, all I am asking is: What are we asking for?

Because it would come true for sure and then how would the world look, equality of wealth without equal labor, educated minds with no sense of responsibility, shared resources but no one to maintain, words of meaning but no comprehension, needs and wants beyond human contentment, a plastic island in pacific for winter getaway, tolerance heck appreciation for illogical ideology…

What are we shaping with our thoughts and our actions?

Ekam

2011-11-28T14:44:00.000-06:00

Last weekend, there was a show in town that was a conglomeration of Gospel Music, devotional Hindu songs, Muslim music and Sufi music along with the portrayal of spiritual wisdom through movements of Kathak dance.
The show was a combined effort of Rita Mustaphi and Robert Robinson and their respective teams. It was a show that would stand for the antithesis of what is making headlines in these chaotic times, a sort of island of peace, a respite from our intense focus on differences and embracing the common bond. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow quoted, “Music is the universal language of Mankind” and this show depicts the quote in a physical form for those who need something more tangible to grasp at while they travel to the intangible that runs through all of us.

Along with the Gospel music sung by Robert Robinson, these following songs/poetry (favorites) along with others were featured on the show.

- The Reed Flute’s Song by Rumi

- Kabir’s Poetry, Saahib mera ek hai

- I hope you dance by Lee Ann Womack

Depiction of Durga, goddess of power killing the evil Mahisasur

Despite the soul wrenching music, my favorite piece was a tihai (technical kathak dance piece repeated in patterns of three)

It showed the search of human for the divine that is constantly in tune with us and present around and within us. I feel blessed to be able to see this piece first in classroom and then again on stage with the understanding of the interpretation.

If you get an opportunity to see this show don't miss it...

Manipulating in photoshop

2011-11-21T09:03:00.001-06:00

I don’t believe in manipulating pictures to make them perfect. Don’t get me wrong, I shoot in RAW so I have to make minor adjustments to bring it to .jpg and share online but to overtly change the nature of a photograph is not appealing to me at all. That said since I am writing about this topic, there must be an exception to this rule; contradictions create drama and needs explanation which often makes it a nice topic to write about.

This picture was taken in an early October afternoon, while the leaves were still gathering fall colors and summer still had an upper hand over winter. It’s a posed picture, as you can probably tell, and we precariously balance the camera on the edge of a picnic bench to use its self- timer and make this shot. Well at the last minute a father-daughter duo jumped in our orchestrated background making it rather unpleasant but for some reason I didn’t delete it.

It was Sunday afternoon and we had to get back to the following week’s preparation so we skipped taking another picture and relieved the camera of its precarious balancing misery. Fast forward to six weeks later when I was looking for a picture of DH and I to share online for announcing our 12 years of matrimony. I ended up using Photoshop to creatively eliminate the extra people in the picture. My Photoshop skills were rusty and I had limited time to fix the picture so it’s not the best editing possible but I am glad that I was able to make it work.

We received many compliments on the picture and later as I was trying to make peace within me since I crossed a new boundary, it occurred to me that what I did with this picture is exactly what marriage/relationship is all about. There is bound to be distractions in life but as long as the two people in relationship are committed to keeping each other in focus and central, other fade away in the background anyways...

Here's to our 12 years together....

A beautiful Autumn day...

2011-11-08T21:55:00.000-06:00

23 October 2011
A drive through Wisconsin country side generated these series of pictures. It was a beautiful fall day and a drive to our recent favorite place was warranted. With this post I also confess my most recent instagram (photo app for iphone users) addiction and warn you of several more of such posts. We started south on Hwy 61 up to Red Wing and then crossed over to wisconsin via this bridge and drove along the Mississippi on Hwy 35.

Red wing bridge, a photo by shalini_devesh on Flickr.

We came across 'Swan song' art gallery in Maiden Rock during our visit for the 'Fresh Art Tour' last month. I do hope to get to that post some time but now lets discuss just this trip. The owner is a practicing Hindu and it is so fun to see her idols collection, which is of course not for sale. She has a big dog and girls like to pet him till him till he kisses (licks) them back.

Another one of our great find is the 'Smiling Pelican' bakery. It is only open on weekends and usually by two most their bread are sold out. I am stating that to emphasize its popularity and absolute deliciousness. The pies that we have tried so far (passion fruit and cream, banana and cream, mixed berries and apple) are out of this world. 'Must try'... and the ambiance in the outdoor garden on a perfect fall day seemed like heaven.

After that we took a short drive south to the city of Pepin, to visit the home of Laura Ingalls Wilder. She was a pioneer and the author of the 'Little house in the big woods series'; and my 2nd grader absolutely adores her. So this little detour made the trip extra special for her.

Laura Ingalls Wilder's house from late eighteenth century

We stopped on the way back at Bay city to eat some ice cream and this Boo (Soo) line engine was on display and we ate ice cream (green apple ice cream topped with slighted salted caramel) inside this caboose.

This too shall pass…

2011-11-03T20:23:00.000-05:00

There would come a point in this life when I’ll not be able to walk across the hallway into my daughters’ room in the early morning darkness and place the weight of my lips on their sweaty foreheads before leaving for work. Eventually the path of our journeys would seize to align and theirs would diverge into a flowerier pasture away from mine.

This thought occurred to me this morning as my alarm beeped and brought me to the realization that my Mum and Dad must have boarded their flights in Amsterdam for the last leg of their journey back home to India.

The second last month of the year too is here, soon it would be 2012. The ticker of the time flashing away despite the moments in it, emphasizing the realization of fleeting moments. Sometimes I think that the measure of time and its passage is futile. It doesn’t matter, whether you observe it, let it pass and stay in it, it will go nonetheless. Why hang on to something that is passing, going away?

I find myself fascinated by the sand timers and have a glass one sitting on my mantle but I don’t stare at it after the first few times, after the novelty of speed and flow wears out. There must be a reason for the constant fixation on measuring time. May be it’s to find a rhythm, to ebb and surge, to create the music of life at a measured pace and then play with it to bring excitement and surge. That excitement must be referred as ‘change’ and if today is any sign, I am far from being a master of set pace to handle change without meltdowns.

At 18, I started living away from my parents and except for one year after my undergrad when I moved back with them, home has always been a process in the making where I then lived and also a place in my memories where I and my parents used to live. There is no familiar window ledge or hide out in the attic or secret closet in my parents’ home that I can call my own and there is no physical place I can go back to reside in the warmth of nostalgia except for the presence of my parents.

There is a place in the ‘now’ where I have created a physical home and filled it with love and affection and a blend of our individual personalities and I cherish it. And this is a place that my daughters’ will look back at and seek comfort from. And I am saying all this because I didn’t know it then that those passing moments are one of a kind but I have realized it over the course of this journey to not let a moment pass without acknowledgement…. Better said that done, the year is coming to an end and despite thoroughly enjoying each moment I find it went by too fast.

As I am forced to evaluate my time keeping, it leaves me with an unfamiliar taste. Should I keep track of Calendar years or just treat time to find my rhythm while I live, unabashedly and unapologetically and while acknowledging it but unafraid of its presence or lack of it.

Water Train - 77 words

2011-10-25T10:30:00.021-05:00

Last month there was a short story (less than 78 words) contest in the Esquire magazine and participating in it was a good writing exercise for me. The experience that I wanted to capture was the train that brings water to the dry/desert regions of Gujarat (Kutch regions). I happen to travel in that train a couple of times back in the late nineties and have held the long dreary day close to my heart as one of the life changing experience.

Someday I hope to travel the region again and perhaps not in that slow train again but it’s a story worth sharing, I’ll have to take time for it…

For now, my 77 words:

The screeching sound of crank shaft and wheels jostling together and the jolt from the engine pulled the train out of the platform. As the clamor of the people quieted under the steady lulling train sounds, the desert sand roared in with the iron wheels, babul needles sharp and stiff, defied the triumph of drought while the cloud less blue sky bent down to kiss, for the train brought the water that the sky failed to deliver.

Soo line caboose, a photo by shalini_devesh on Flickr.

Ultra Simple Diet

2011-10-18T22:47:00.001-05:00

I am ‘Life is short, stay awake for it’ kind of girl. Yup that meant guzzling multiple cups of coffee with extra shots to keep me going. But this (Ultra simple Diet) diet made me realized that I don’t need tumblers of caffeine to keep me awake. And also that when my body needs rest, I should allow it to rest and not push it against a wall till it collapses, which is my usual style of living.

Trust me, I have had my share of fad diets, but for past few years I had mostly resorted to eating healthy and balanced meals with little portions of just about everything, there was no forbidden food. And I did lose all my baby weight in due course just by monitoring the quantity of food and working out but recently I struggled to find the optimum balance and so when my friend recommended this diet, I got a copy of the book from the library. I was skeptical first but what encouraged me to try it was my bad skin allergic reaction from earlier this summer. All my doctor could prescribe was steroids to keep allergic reaction down and Benadryl to sleep when the steroid made me all wired up. Of course, I didn’t follow the entire medication course and started experimenting with food, wine and caffeine and soap & lotions. It was tough to figure out what caused it since the allergen made me photo sensitive (which I realized later) and so as long as I minimized the exposure to sun the reaction was somewhat under control. I studied the above mentioned diet book for almost 3 weeks before I committed to it.

Anyways, long story short, I thought if there are any toxins or allergens in my diet that is causing inflammation and adding to the toxicity levels, I should be able to figure it out. This diet recommends a self-assessment of the body toxicity levels based on a score of questions as a gauge for improvement while on the diet. My toxicity levels were not alarming at all but I decided to go on the diet anyways.

In short, this diet teaches you to eat sensibly with more thought to what you are eating and since we all run short on time to actually think about our food, let alone plan it a week in advance it was a good exercise.

Highlights:

It warranted no use of alcohol or caffeine, along with no dairy to reduce the toxins and inflammation causing agents.

It focuses on eating good quantity of vegetables, two cups at each meal time along with vegetable broth to curb hunger pangs.

It included proteins, 4 oz of beans/fish/chicken breasts for lunch and dinner along with protein powder in the breakfast shakes.

The diet recommends good fats through olive oil for cooking and nuts for snacks and also flaxseeds and borage oil.

The carbs came from beans, fruits (berries in particular that are low glycemic index), vegetables and half cup of brown rice at each meal time.

My customizations (and cravings):

The diet calls for only certain vegetables but because summer is short in these parts of the world, I ate everything that was available fresh in the famers market including tomatoes, cucumber and eggplants.

I used a lot of spices including cloves, cinnamon, ginger, garlic etc to keep my food flavorful despite the repetitive menu.

The diet calls only for Rice Protein powder but I occasional used soy and whey protein powder too.

Although I stayed off caffeine and alcohol, DH continued with his morning coffee and occasional glass of wine and the diet still worked (controlled sugar levels) for him.

I missed not eating dark chocolate, cereal milk and yogurt terribly. I did eat Soy yogurt but it’s not the same thing.

The diet claims that you stop missing the sweets after the first couple days of initial body adjustment but I continued to miss it throughout my diet.

My energy levels weren’t as high as the book and my friend claimed it to be, I crashed at about 4:00pm every single day and I found myself quieter than usual on this diet.

The diet calls for moderate exercise but with my body type, I need to sweat to burn fat and so I noticed that the weighing scale registered weight loss only on days when I worked out.

It called for 2- 20 minute yoga sessions, a 20 minute bath at the end of the day and a good 8 hour sleep; well there were days when I had to choose between activities to decide how I’d spent my precious 20 minutes. But I did rediscover lavender baths/ shower and the importance of yoga in my life.

All in all, I like this diet and would very much go on it again and more importantly I gained a new perspective and even though I am not on a diet anymore, I don’t eat more than 4oz protein in a meal, because now I know I don’t need more. Like I said it was a good exercise to gauge what your body truly needs and what is just greed. And inspired by my newly gained healthy perspective I have challenged myself to run a total of 100 miles before my birthday. (I guess I did say that out loud, may be that’ll make me more accountable, just may be…)

And just because a post without pictures makes it boring, here's two from our visit to the local Arboretum

Kids at the fountain

Picnic under the Magnolia tree

Santorini, Oil on Canvas, 36"x24"

2011-10-07T16:28:00.000-05:00

I used to paint a lot more compared to now when I was in Grad school. It afforded me a couple of free weekday afternoons where I was free to hit the gym or spend time at the art studio. This is one of the last paintings I started there back in 2004. What followed next was graduation, a full time job and motherhood.
Fast forward to September 2011 and I am calling it finished. When I used to paint back in the days I needed my art teacher’s confirmation before I quit fidgeting with the colors and now that I have moved 60 miles from my art studio and have not seen my teacher is past couple of years, its tough to stop myself from going back to fixing something or the other on the canvas based on my mood. And hence the statement, ‘Calling it complete’.

The inspiration for the painting came from my desire to visit the place, the uniformity in colors of private residences and the of course the giant blue domes in the warmth of setting sun. It was a very tiny image that inspired me to paint it but it wasn't detailed enough to enlarge it to the scale I was painting on so I used a calendar image of the area to add to the details just in different light.

It was an interesting process to add finishing touches to the buildings; they were a wonderful reminder of the Perspective design in the ‘Architecture Design course’ during the undergrad years. I devoted one kids’ free day to finishing this painting and I am glad I did, in fact I was so happy with those moment that I want play more with colors. I am not sure if it’s going to be in an Art journal, on canvas or some mixed media but I am sure that I’ll go down this path again soon and will definitely share the outcomes.

A good day - resolution...

2011-09-30T16:15:00.000-05:00

If you have read ‘hooliganism by law’ and the ‘update’ to the post about my ramblings and frustration with the workings of the law with respect to my friends' case, you might be looking for another update or a closure.

Well, today’s a good day. Our friends got their son back, after 10 weeks of constant torture they are finally at the end of the tunnel. Their daughter was returned to home last month on a trial basis and now she is not under child protection jurisdiction anymore.

Both parents wanted their son bad and didn’t want this case to linger on in trial court and so they settled the case by accepting that the infant massage which is an integral part of Indian Culture may have contributed to the minor fractures (the fractures healed on their own within a few days after the incident while the baby was prescribed with regular doses of Tylenol). The baby would return home now and would be under child protection jurisdiction for another 90 days. The parents willingly agreed to adopt all the suggestions by the parental and psychological evaluation results as one of the conditions, BTW the psychological evaluation report is not yet complied yet but they agreed anyways.

This case was fought on dissimilar grounds, first they took the children away and then laid the onus on the parents to prove themselves not-guilty. All this while they were so submissive being not familiar with the rules of the law, they were scared of losing their kids if they protested or explained anything with exasperation.

Well, it’s all behind us. We are told that it was an expedited case and it only took 2 and a half month to reach a settlement, the national average is 5 and half months. Despite the statistics, it is a torment for any parent to go through a hell like this and I don’t wish this upon anybody…

A book to my name...

2011-09-28T23:30:00.000-05:00

Xuan Zang is not a familiar name in the school history books so the first time I heard it, it rang a bell. I was intrigued to find more because all of facts related to Buddha in Nalanda and vicinity were cross referenced with Xuan Zang’s travelogue.

Being a traveler myself and having experienced many cultures I wanted to know more about the Chinese scholar who travelled to India via the silk route. My first detailed encounter with Xuan Zang was these travel guide maps that were developed as a part of the Explore Rural India project, when Deepak (my co-author) asked me to edit some of the passages.

XuanZang traveled through various important sites related to Buddha and Buddha’s teachings several centuries after Buddha’s parinirvana and wrote extensively about them in his travelogue. After the 12 century Turk invasion when all the visible sign of Buddhism were obliterated from Magadha region, there was no way to even confirm that the roots of Buddhism lay buried deep in this landscape. The original structures were either buried in layers of soil or surrounded with local legends, the bricks and pillars were used to support new structure and the teachings lived through festivals and traditions among the people here. It was then Xuanzang’s travelogue that came to the rescue of the early Orientalists who tried to solve this puzzle.

Soon after I was introduced to XuanZang’s history, I got the opportunity to tour the sites of Nalanda that were mentioned in travel brochure and I was thrilled to see what was left and enthralled to imagine what must have been. Deepak and I discussed the possibilities and ways to share this heritage and knowledge with those who might be interested but are unaware. Out of the continued discussions were generated many ideas about how the information that we have can be shared, preserved and most important of all be beneficial to the community that lives with these treasures.

Some of these ideas have already sown the seeds and others are still in the making; the Nalanda (Nalanda-insatiable in offerings & Nalanda on the move) blogs were our way of sharing the history and our progress while keeping tabs on our goals and ultimate destination.

While on the excursion to Nalanda, I visited the Xuanzang Memorial and Museum, which is built a short distance away from the Nalanda University ruins. The building and its inspiration both come with a very interesting history, and I (along with the rest of the team) get to share it with you.

I am excited and humbled as I share this book with you - 'Xuanzang, footsteps that time cannot erase'. A book that began with a casual conversation and was carried forth with much enthusiasm and passion, to explain to the visitors of Xuanzang Museum who ‘Xuanzang’ really was and how much he contributed to our history.

Once the idea of the book sunk in, Deepak came up with the basic set up about how to best share the complete story without losing the interest of the reader and segregated the information into chapters and visuals. While Deepak poured over the facts about Xuan Zang’s journey, the path he took and the time and hurdles he passed and other important events of the journey, I worked on the details about Xuanzang’s life history, his motivation to travel to India and then the reasons he chose to write his travelogue. During this time, Dr. Panth who is the director of Nav Nalanda Mahavihar acted as our anchor; he made sure I don’t take many writers’ liberties over the hard core fact and closely guided Deepak as he developed the exact route maps and the timelines. We discussed the Architectural details of the structure and how it has been inspired from Chinese architecture which in turn in some situations was an adaptation of Indian structures of the time. We all worked in close collaboration and went around circles many times and churned out a concise book about Xuanzang, who he was, what inspired him and how his contributions added to the spread to Buddhism, not only in China but other South East Asian countries including India. The route maps in the book are one a kind and have been created with great precision and thorough research. Although working on a project like this with our team, two members that are 8000 miles and 11 hours apart and the third one who bares the responsibility of an entire university and travels frequently, was very challenging but getting the final product to print was whole another saga. There were as many iteration if not more for the format of the book as there were for the original content, but in the end it is what we wanted, a book that is within reach of every visitor that come to see Xuanzang Memorial or perhaps finds a copy and is inspired to visit and pay a tribute.

It was released in a small ceremony by the current honorable Governor of Bihar ‘H E Debonand Konwar’ on the 25^th September in Patna, Bihar. In this picture Dr. Panth is with the honorable Governor.

A day of alternate plans

2011-09-18T22:28:00.001-05:00

When I started planning this post, I intended to write about how it is best to flow with life and that sometimes what we wish doesn’t really happen but if we let go, we realize that what is happening is even more wonderful than the original plan. And all these pictures were supposed to accompany the original intention and what really panned out, but I decided to go against my own plan and let the pictures speak for themselves cause it is important to cherish what we have rather than living in a ‘what could have been’.

Besides it been a long time since I did a pictures only post, so here it is…

My daughter's first kathak dance class

Petting a hen at Farmers' Market

Feeding a lamb at Farmers' Market

Pedal power smoothie

Basket full of finger puppets from Peru

Mill Stone Farmers Market

Request for more finger puppets has been placed

To the grandma, of course :-)

Fresh baked bread

Supplier of our cheese for the week

Home spun wool from sheep

herbs

Guthrie Theatre from Mill City Farmers' Market

Our picnic lunch of French Bread, Tomme cheese and chocolate croissant

On the stone arch bridge walkway

An afternoon with sprinklers

Montpelier playset - A review

2011-09-14T22:18:00.002-05:00

We bought a Montpelier playset for our daughters' full and half birthday present this summer.

When I was looking to buy this playset, I didn't find many good constructive reviews, all those that I saw were at either extreme so decided to share my experience in case somebody else is looking for a feedback.

It is a good playset and its not meant for commercial (daycare type) use. It is a very good deal compared to many others more expensive ones but you get what you pay for so don't expect to go full swing after you install it cause it is meant for kids, reasonably sized. I said that because when four of the rowdy boys from the neighborhood climb on the surf board which is meant for one kid or perhaps two small kids, I do wonder about their safety and that of the playset as well. Or when the oversized visitor boy banged on the fort door, the door creek found an echo in my throat.

I often wonder if we should put up a sign saying that we are not responsible for the damage that you might do to yourself while playing rough on this playset.
Anyways, so besides the fact that it is ideal for our girls and their friends and not the rowdy neighborhood kids, everything is good. And I did sneak in the fort a couple of times this summer to read a book while the kids played in the yard.

sorted pieces

It took us (me and DH) about one week to assemble. We worked two to three hours each day, after our regular work day, initially in the garage and then outside putting it all together. The total time includes the time it took us to move the pieces and gears from the garage and back.

We started out by sorting the pieces for individual structures and their corresponding fasteners. The pieces came out well labeled and smelled wonderfully cedar. It was my job to gather and orient the pieces so that DH can use the electric drill and mallet to attach them into a reasonable shape. He did not tighten everything to the extreme so that there is wiggle room during the final assembly. We first assembled the attachments to the center supporting fort, like the ladder and the swing bar and roof and the door.

Ladder to the fort

swing bar

The last assembly inside the garage was the base structure which we made big enough that the two of us can still move to the backyard and yet maintain its structural stability. We put some of the floor down to make sure the fasteners don’t shear off while our downhill crawls with the bulky structure out to the backyard.

Door and the roof

Once outside we worked on the fort and then attaching the various play modes to it, like the monkey bar and the swing bar and the ladder. Although the manual is well written and pieces well marked, it is important to read ahead as we had to unscrew the wall boards to install the T-nut for the monkey bar and the swing set. At times it did seem like there were a couple of different teams that wrote the instructions down and none of them actually read the directions themselves to assemble one. So, it is very important to read a couple of steps ahead and think about what fits where. Other than that the pieces come together quickly, even if you are working in a fading daylight and the musical mosquitoes are forcing you to balance on one foot.

The slide assembly was the last major piece to be built and it too lacked better instructions. To not redo our work (drilling holes in plastic) we ended up cutting the plastic corners that are anyways hidden under the slide support so it wasn’t too crucial.

All in all, it was a fun experience to put it all together, like playing with life size LEGO pieces and the challenge for the girls was to beat us in the fun that we had putting it together. I think it will take them a couple of years to come up to par, we had way too much fun :-)

Beyond Peacock and paisleys

2011-09-09T17:34:00.001-05:00

The Goldstein Museum in St. Paul is hosting an exhibition of textiles from India and its neighboring countries, 'Beyond Peacocks and Paisleys'. If you are interested in textiles and design, this would prove to be worthwhile visit.

Also if you like Indian culture and admire locally available Indian art you'd be surprised to see that what Target and other big box stores sell is not the real craft from India or should I say a very diluted version of the art that Indian Artisans are capable of offering.

At the museum there is a handbook with detailed pictures and description of the art form/textile which is very informative. One of the curators of the exhibition is a textile artist and an online friend who I have yet to meet in person but think they did an awesome job of presenting the textile art.

This particular piece is from my husband's city 'Lucknow' and is called Chikankari. I own a few saris and other dresses with this work and are specially suited to hot summer months as the work is done on light weight fabric, cotton or otherwise and imparts an airy feel despite the heavy embroidery.

This next piece is called bandhage and is a very refined version of what we popularly know as 'tie and dye'. This art technique is from western states of India, Rajasthan and Gujarat. I own a couple pieces of this fabric too and its an absolute joy to wear them when you know where and who produced the dress for you and that it was definitely not in a sweat shop.

I know a little bit about all the pieces that are pictured below but I'll refrain from explaining them because I am not a textile expert and all my knowledge comes from either owning the pieces or staying in the regions where this art was produced.

Enjoy the online version of my perspective of the exhibition and if you are local and are enticed enough to follow up, please go visit it, its on till the 25th September.

Since I have a track record of overbooking my schedules, I'll miss the talk but if you are interested in this topic, it is open to public.

Eat less + Shop less = Sustained Happiness

2011-09-02T16:30:00.003-05:00

Or so I think cause I have yet to find it.

When I say eat less, I don’t mean to restrict my calorie intake to 1500 calories a day or to vow to never indulge in desert again, all I mean is that I should stop eating when the walls of my stomach start to stretch on the same lines as they did four years ago when there was a 8 pound baby inside my body. Or perhaps I should not force a bowl of ice cream to find its own way inside my tummy after each square inch has already been occupied by the delicious multi course dinner. Or I should suggest myself using restraint while ordering a whole milk Grande latte right after a big meal just so that I can keep myself awake for the drive home.

There’s absolutely no problem in doing that cause my body or for that matter any human body is perfectly capable of dealing with abuse we entrench them with except that every trip to the closet to find something suitable to wear turns into a tear jerking epic. All the lip smacking, drool generating, sensory indulgent, high calorie meal journeys result in the slight bulge at the mid section and of course those slight bulges over time have a tendency to transform into a little extra which is addressed by several names: love handle, a tire or muffin top …etc (take your pick), which don’t like to be contained inside a belt with buttons or zippers and rebelliously stand out even in the perfect black dress that used to fit just fine.

My most favorite dress out of the ones that still fit me now joins the club with the rest of ‘when I am – pounds lighter’. I left the # of pounds blank because there are several categories of piles. For when I am 5 pounds less, I’ll wear this and when I am 10 pounds, I wear that and then if I ever manage to get back to where I was 2 years ago, I will wear all those. Yup, you got the picture; I can pretty much create a parallel closet full of these so called incentive clothes and these don’t include the ones that I have yet to buy and are neatly tucked away in a picture form in an inspiration folder.

It is so frustrating to look at a fashion magazine and find out all the latest trends that would look good on you if only you were one size smaller.

Never mind, so I switched my magazine subscription to home design, thank goodness my home doesn’t shrink and expand every holiday season and I can create the perfect décor that will fit all the time.

Really all the time, or till the next issue is delivered to my mail box; because the moment I lay my eyes on the new issue, my most updated décor from last month with not be hip anymore and I shouldn’t even bother opening that paint cans for the new powder room décor as it was based on the issue two months ago. I feel so outdated already.

You know what I am not even going to worry about these trends in home and fashion, I learnt that they are just hypes created to make people buy more stuff and keep the economy afloat, there is no point following any trends and making any fashion statements. I forbid them from my life and find rescue in the yoga magazine, this times it’s not a subscription, I was prudent I got it from the library because that’s what yoga is all about, focusing inwards and finding a balance within, physically and mentally. As I flipped through the first 10 or so pages of the yoga magazine, I realized that this magazine could teach the wandering Indian yogis a thing or two about the yoga life style. They would know based on their personality type, which yoga mat to buy and which yoga shorts would not ride up their thighs when they are doing an intensive ‘surya namskaar’ routine. Or what organic jewelry they can wear as they struggle to balance their bodies on their heads. To be fair, their articles are fine; it’s only their advertising that bothers me.

And that brings me to my inference from the journey with the media and the inspiration that comes and goes with it. I haven’t actively followed any news article in a long time and yes it has put me in many awkward situations in small conversations for not knowing exactly the number of people died in a certain natural calamity or something like that. I’ll write more about my reasons to not follow news but for now I’d say I don’t want to lose sleep over issues I have no control over, I’d rather do something to help than to follow news update.

And now I put most magazines into the same category, very few articles are unbiased and share a design philosophy, most follow trends and what this or that famous designer did. I’d rather meet the artists, talk to the designers, read design books than to blindly follow trends. I’d make my own mistakes and find my own balance and in turn the happiness rather than copy a perfect room (or dress) from someone else’s life into my own home.

So I guess if I do follow my own instinct rather than an inspiration from trendy magazine I’ll be calmer and happier in the long run…

Variety of dreams...

2011-08-22T00:02:00.000-05:00

Dreams come in all shape, size and form and it feels so special when they are fulfilled.

I had been dreaming of biking to a local bagel shop for breakfast for quite sometime, actually 5+ years to be precise, during this time I had the opportunity to visit Hawaii 3 times, another dream destination, wish fulfilled each time I even vaguely imagined it but somehow biking was not on the cards.

That is, not until yesterday, when DH and I woke up a little earlier than usual and before the kids even started stirring in their beds, stole some time for ourselves.

Thanks for my parents presence in our home, we could take this liberty and rode our bikes about 5-6 miles total while bringing bagels back from our ride for breakfast for the whole family.

Wonderful ride and luckily no teenage kids passed us on the way to remind us how out of shape we both are specially when it comes to the two wheeler with no fuel tank but our own energy reserves. But as DH says, if our bodies took us there and back then they are in enough shape :-)

My dad took this picture once we were back.

Hooliganism by law – an update

2011-08-19T05:58:00.005-05:00

Now that my anger and emotional imbalance has been much tempered by the practical thoughts and reality of the world where not all parents have been the benefactors of their own kids as we’d like them to be, the title seems slightly inappropriate but only slightly. We as a culture have one of the highest and strongest history of familial bonds but the culture cannot obviously vouch for each of its member and with the changing times and the society that we live in, extremes are not unheard of.

And this case is an example of the process that makes sure that all the ‘I’s are dotted and the ‘T’s are crossed. With teenage pregnancies, young depressed mothers, segmented families, some of us parents have dropped the balls umpteen number of times for the law to step in and make sure we don’t abuse our children. Since we knew the parents so closely and knew the fact that they are incapable of torturing anybody let alone their own kids made it a tragedy for all of us involved.

So far, in the five weeks, our friends, the parents in question went through the agony of three court hearing and in the third hearing they were able to substantiate the claim that the injuries to the baby were not due to abuse. A pediatric and orthopedic doctor testified on their behalf confirming that the isolated bone fracture doesn’t align with the abuse theory and the doctor who had reported them in the first place also placed reasonable doubt on his own evaluation when grilled by the lawyers. The judge pondered over the additional documents and evidences for a few days and allowed the 5 year old daughter to return to home. The baby is still in the custody of the social services and the dad still doesn’t have visitation rights. But the hope is that with all the evidences stacking in their favor it should be a matter of time before the baby is also returned to them.

What happened in these past 5 weeks and at the three hearings was the very obvious steps/ conclusions that we all had imagined but the fact that the process took so long even on a emergency case is particularly agonizing. The age of the baby in question and the innocence of the parents that we knew all along made it tough for us to witness the whole process without bias and emotional turmoil of our own.

Last week at a super market, while I was trying to dissipate a fight between my kids and discipline my four year, a saw a particular lady watching us intently; and my heart sank at the thought that what if according to her my behavior with my girls wasn’t appropriate and she reports me to social services office.

The fear of losing kids to the government has hit so close to home that it is hard to act unbiased and unafraid. At a time in my own journey when I am trying to disengage from others opinions and judgment of my actions, this episode has come as a major setback and I find myself doubting strangers and questioning my own decisions. It’s a new challenge for me resurrect my trust and move on.

For now I am happy that the battle of our friends is at least half won… and desperately praying and waiting for the other half to be won and the episode put to rest as a bad dream for all of us witnessing, specially our friends who lived through it all. Thank God for the hope and the reassurance that the worse is over…

Podrunner Podcast

2011-08-12T10:28:00.001-05:00

Like I have said before, I am an incidental runner, didn’t plan to be one but I needed to rattle my thoughts within my brain and be out in the nature which contributed to my running. To this day I hesitate calling myself a runner especially because I am surrounded by co-workers who have run marathons and sneeze 5Ks routinely. I never received any training, never join any running club, never had a steady running partner, all I had was a print out that claimed to take me from couch to 5K in 12 weeks and I thought good for me, at least I am not on the couch….

The first few 5Ks that I did came because I steadily increased my running time and to my surprise one day, the pedometer app on the iPod claimed that I ran 4.8 miles and I thought to myself hurrah… Then came a season when getting out of the house to run wasn’t as easy and I started losing my muscles, sure enough it wasn’t long after that that half an hour of huffing and puffing and my pedometer barely registers two miles. No, it’s not my pedometer that’s broken it’s me; and trust me it took a lot of courage to admit that to myself. When the stomach is hurting and breathes making a constant wheezing sound and the heart is leaping to find a way out of the body, it’s tough to say to yourself that you didn’t try enough or that the body is not strong enough.

Well, coming to the point, after a few episodes like that I knew I needed help and I knew I cannot commit to the confines of a gym routine and I was too hesitant to expose myself to a running club or a running coach. That’s when pod-runner podcast made a re-entry in my life. I say re-entry because I had heard about it a year ago at a beginners running brown-bag that my friend had organized but at that time I was doing okay as a runner and never paid attention to it.

Fast forward to April this year, a few weeks before my first 5K of 2011, I was not as prepared as I wanted to be and was scrambling to put together a playlist of high energy and high beat songs that can carry me through. And out of the blue, I landed on this free exercise podcast again, I downloaded it to my computer and then to my Philips MP3 player that I am now using for my runs cause the iPod touch seems too delicate if it ever slips off my pocket while running and breaks. Besides the podcast I also uploaded some high intensity bollywood songs that ended up saving me during the Susan G Komen 5K as I had mentioned.

After the race I have been diligently working with the pod-runner podcast and since I haven’t yet found a routine that I can stick to, I keep flipping between week 1 music to week 5 music, depending upon how I am feeling that particular moment but the goal is that with this steady and sometimes not so steady practice by Fall sometime I should be able to run 5K at a desirable speed and hopefully graduate to an 8K at an average speed. The podcast is a series of remixed songs and are split into slow beats and fast beats to indicate the walking/running interval. That’s the goal anyways and I like it because even though I can’t run a 5K at a desirable speed I know the 2.5 miles that I ran with intervals is close to my aim. Besides I don’t end up with a pain in my liver and constantly out of breathe instead I slow down before I hit the peak as suggested by the music beats and end up working my leg muscles and not taxing my lungs.

I wanted to document my new efforts and perhaps share it with a newbie runner who is hesitant like me…

What does design really is?

2011-08-05T05:45:00.001-05:00

I follow some (read ‘many’) design blogs and websites and they provide tons of inspirations but at times I am baffled by the content they present and cannot stop wondering if they are getting paid for showing us the item in good light?

May be that’s what trends are, a few people like things and put them together and then since those talented designers happen to be famous, others just start copying and recreating the look.

Is it worth it to live your life and surround yourself with a color palette and things that a famous designer put together in a house and family very dissimilar to your own?

I am asking these questions of myself as I was getting obsessed with what the latest trends are and then getting worried that my decorating plans were not coinciding with the latest. And sad still if they did coincide it was for a very brief period and then it was not the top of the trend anymore. How I let myself be influenced by my unnatural surroundings and sometimes I seek out these magazines and websites just to beat myself with the feeling that I am not keeping up with the trends.

I mean really, how it matters if my wall colors are beige or grey or white but I find a peaceful resort there. And how does it matter that my feet find comfort in platform shoes when stilettos are the in thing. Yes, it’s easy to say in words that it should not matter but tough, at least for me, to be totally influence free, I am trying though.

Okay so it is one thing to be inspired by a décor and then trying to recreate it with things that you actually love but painting a perfectly fine wood furniture to match a décor in the magazine or buying an old French book to elevate the glass jar and arranging roses when its tulip season, isn’t that going too far? I think it is…

It is not design when people suspend their own thinking and knowledge to what is good for them and instead finds comfort in blindly following a life that is remote and completely not their own.

Hooliganism by law

2011-07-20T11:17:00.002-05:00

Note: I started writing this post a couple days ago and then had to stop for the fear of being run over by my own emotions and losing sight of the fact but the emotional nature and illogical repetitions still made their way in...

This topic is very personal and sensitive and I debated several times before I thought it’s okay to share it on an online journal, especially after I spent a major portion of my day at a family court listening as the drama unfolded.It is a nightmare for my friends who are going through hell right now and I am sure everybody including them is wondering where we went wrong.

My friend has two kids, a five year old girl close my daughters' age and they often play together and her younger one is a seven weeks old baby boy. He is actually turning 8 weeks this week but my friend, a loving and caring mom, might not be able to hug him or even see him at a distance for the milestone. The little boy is not allowed to see his father at all. For the past 4 days the parents didn't even know where their kids were. Can any parents imagine that in their life?

In my friend's own words, "my mom died last year and that was very painful and this is 100 times more painful than that".

The whole story: My friends took their seven weeks son to the urgent care for a swelling in his leg and the doctor referred them to the hospital after a quick X-ray. The doctor at the hospital diagnosed that it was a broken tibia in both legs caused by abuse and that's the last they have seen of their kid. A social worker came took the baby away and said, "Kiss your baby goodbye". The next morning their five year old was taken away for safety concerns and they along with their friends and family have been living a nightmare since.

Being foreigners we anticipate many problems but it never occurred to any of us that the law has the power to take away our kids without any proof and now the burden lies on us to prove that we are innocent. If the charges stick, the parents will be deported back to their home country and the children will be in foster care for the rest of their lives. I know, we all know there is no basis for the charges to stick and they'll come out clean but what about the meantime, the damage that they are doing to the family, to the kids and all under the name of law and safety. The parents have no prior history, not even a speeding ticket, in our social interaction I can't even tell if they are capable of even raising their voices.

Their 5 year old said in her statement, 'Daddy sometimes pretends to get angry but he can never scare me'. And their kids were taken away from them without giving them a chance to explain to them what's going on. The trauma that the five year old must be going through for that last question that she posed to her mom and her mom wasn't allowed to respond to it, "Are you giving me up for adoption, did I do anything wrong?"

I sat through the entire hearing yesterday and was baffled by the proceedings. The parents are on such delicate footing that even a bit of display of emotion and they'll not see their kids again. They have to defend themselves for a crime that they didn't commit, it’s a medical issue but it is now upon them have to prove themselves innocent or they don't get their lives back. Their little blessings for which they went through medical procedures and million prayers are not their till they prove themselves not-guilty.

Why the doctor at the hospital did didn’t talk to the child’s pediatrician before taking such drastic step. Why was their no counseling and warning and other non-threatening processes followed? Right now the state is doing more harm than the good that they seem to be implying to do?

I don’t mind the debates for the Tax payer’s money wasted on the people who seemingly don’t wish to even help themselves. I thought its okay to give away money as taxes for the greater good of the society besides all the services we use. But this incident brings out the misuse of Tax Payer’s money. Was there a foster parent in need of money for whose benefit the seven week old baby was taken away without detailed investigation? What kind of society takes away the privilege of a five year old to talk to her mother in confidentiality?
I don’t know the reason or can find any explanations for the behavior of many professionals but in the light of distress all I find myself doing is doubt? Outside the courtroom we sat discussing what behavior of our normal daily lives can be incorrect based on courts criteria?

Is siblings taking showers together acceptable?
If I hold the wrist of a particularly miss-behaved child, would that be considered abuse?
Is it okay for me to raise my voice on my kid at a mall or will somebody report me for it?
Would my child remember the hugs and care that I provided or the reprimands if she is ever to testify against me?
list goes on....

I don’t know…. I really don’t know and I don’t wish to ever find out. I just don’t want the miss-use of law against a law abiding citizen without any warning, or recourse to correct the damage that they are doing? When the state finds them not guilty, how will the state repay those moments that the family missed together or undo the trauma of a 5 year old or the replace the nuzzle and hugs that the seven week old missed out on, or the long term physiological damage to the family ties … how will they even gauge and access the damage let alone repaying it back?

The new old Sofa

2011-07-19T22:47:00.000-05:00

Sometimes things don't go as you plan them. Mmm, wait they usually never go as per plan and each new changing plan is a challenge that the universe throws at you to see where you are choosing to dig your heels and when you are planning to go with the flow.
I know these words almost seem cryptic so in short I had good intentions to post every single day of this July month but I decided to go with the flow rather than taming my mind and keeping it under control. I still have a few topics that are still relevant and intend to post them ... sometime.

In the series of first still relevant topic is my newly upholstered sofa. Its unknown origin dates back into the 1940s -50s as guessed based on its construction style, internet research and my upholsterer's experience. I found this beauty on Craig's list and dragged it 30+ miles in the middle of a snow storm, of course with the help of my DH. It needed some TLC, may be 'some' is an understatement :)

Before I talk about transformation let me talk about inspiration.

One of my friend's has a sofa like this in her 1920s home with warm wood trim and red velvet upholstery totally suiting the style of her home. I fell in love with the lines and started scheming how it can fit into my 2010 home. She is an absolute wonderful resource and helped me guide about the fabrics and upholstery styles and gave me those keys words after which I entrusted the much raved about 'Google Search Button'. :-)

And as they say rest is history...

I started out with removing the trim and the nail heads. O! Wait, before that something important comes to mind. It sat in the garage for almost 5 months with the good intention of tackling the whole project by myself. Then, I decided to divide and conquer and checked around for good and reasonably priced upholsterers.

My friend who owns a similar sofa came to rescue again and found me a good local upholsterer through Angie's list and he is everything that the reviews had raved about. He came to my home and gave me a quote, suggested some samples that I can buy from him and then upon discussing my design further recommended shops where I can find the fabric of my choice without breaking the bank.

He also recommended that I keep the horse hair cushions wrapped in cotton intact and that is exactly what I wanted, the newer foam materials are not as long lasting as natural products used in the last century and also revamping this sofa was my attempt to go green.

After removing the sharp nails and the trim, I pulled the fabric and underneath cotton back exposing a major portion of the wood structure. Regular office clips came in handy to keep fabric in place away from the wet tip of the brush. A coat of latex based primer 'Kilz' followed by a spray can coat of Heirloom white gave me the product that was ready for upholstery.

The next important task was to find the perfect fabric from my mind's image. I won't say this is the exact fabric that I had imagined but yes its perfect. DH and I went to a fabric outlet close to his work (40 miles from my work) and after going through numerous bolts, DH came upon this particular one and it was an instant 'like'.

At this point I let the upholsterer take over and in about 5 weeks I had my sofa back. Initially I insisted that I should have it back by my daughter's birthday party but when it didn't make the date, I was glad that it escaped the chocolate finger tip treatment that the living room walls got. :-)

You can see it is well loved in this household and I am glad that it looks like a new piece of furniture and not an antique that we are trying to hang on to despite the end of its functional life.

This is sofa sitting against the collage that I created for my daughter's 4th birthday party and I plan to share the pictures of the Mariposa birthday soon.

Drawn Thread Vintage piece

2011-07-04T00:32:00.000-05:00

I found this beautiful vintage drawn thread embroidery piece for a steal at a local consignment shop.
I tried doing some research on the pattern but haven't found much information to conclusively claim the origin of this piece. The Drawn Thread technique came from Italy and was adopted in many east European countries and it may be from Ukraine but its tough to say that without any doubt.

I am sharing some pictures please let me know if you have any clues.

Thank you for all your tips and informations :)

Divi at Four

2011-06-28T15:06:00.000-05:00

Playing drums at Field Museum, Chicago

Time is flying fast and my Bebo is 4 years old now. She has such a strong personality and even as a toddler and despite being a younger sibling it is tough to coerce her to do anything that she doesn’t want to do.

This summer she is spending time with our neighbor during the day who also happens to be a Montessori teacher and she often shares Divi’s conversation with me. I have been told that Divi makes the rule of the games when they are outside, she stops to smell the flowers and pick leaves and twigs to do craft projects. She tells specifically what snack she likes to have and also which store they can bought at. I like the fact that she can grow comfortable among people very fast and often greets people on the street or asks permission to pet their dogs.

At her fourth birthday she requested a Mariposa birthday and not a princess or a fairy or any other pop culture themed party and that tells me that she is absorbing everything in but is processing her own thoughts and also that she is taking her third language very seriously and asked for a Mariposa (Butterfly in Spanish) instead of a Butterfly themed party.

Last week, I happen to spend a few mornings with my girls before we all headed towards our respective days and I find it so amusing that she loves waking up to music. It used to be a habit of mine many years ago. After finishing my undergrad degree, while I stayed with my parents and worked as a structural engineer, I used to ask my Mom to turn on my favorite FM radio while I lazed around it bed, that used to be my snooze button back in the times. I believe in genetics and science but at some level I just cannot deny the fact that my kids are individual persons and I have been entrusted to nurture them for these early years of their lives. So when I find similarities and common interest among us it totally thrills me.

Following Seagull, Millenium Park Chicago

Divi is a typical Montessori kid and loves to help out with anything that needs to be done. Even with her sleepy eyes if she she’s me folding laundry she’ll ask me if there are kitchen towels to be folded. She loves cleaning tables and rolling out rotis. But all that has to come from her. If I ask or her sister ask for help picking up toys or putting underwear in the drawers, rest assured it won’t be done.

Divi has started reading, sounding out words. Just a few months ago in April while we were on our Utah trip I asked her if I could read to her and she refused and then suddenly something changed and she started reading. She remembers sentences in the books read to her and she makes up story based on the pictures, she is headed for a very good start. Yesterday while building the play set for the girls DH asked her to try it for a bit and she said, “Daddy, let me bring my book so I can read it up there”.

She is good with numbers and counts almost to a 100 and tries to do counting math problems and writing them down. She’s trying to earn a toy by doing math pages just like her big-sister.

She is doing well in swimming and has touched the bottom of the pool a couple of times though she prefers back stroke rather than putting her face in the water for long. She loves to scooter on the drive-way and along sidewalks but hasn’t picked up the paddling motion of her bicycle.

And something that amazed me is that she has figured out relationships.

She is growing up be an amazing little person. She is very pleasant and knows how charm people and yet she is not a pleaser. A perfect combination and I hope that she continues to be assured in her own self as she discovers more facets of her personality.

So, that’s Divi at four …

...do something that sometimes scares you...

2011-06-09T09:36:00.000-05:00

I happen to find inspiration in many things, many philosophies and many people. Dalai Lama and Paulo Coelho are some of the more prominent wise men who have a presence on Facebook and I find inspiration in their frequent quotes and thoughts. I treat them as a sign; I guess everything is a sign when you think about it.

These are a few words from Paulo Coelho’s blog that reinforce my own philosophy about life and insure that I do indeed have a philosophy but I haven’t had a chance to still the water around me and dwell into its depth. Right now is not the time for that, for now I am meant to go with the flow and take in the experiences and probably document here to share and re-visit at a later time, here’s the sign

…To do something that sometimes scares you but you should do because you may like or you may not like.

I don’t believe suicide is an option – but we have to die several times in this life, in order to understand it. “To die”, in this sense, is to get rid of the old values, and to move for a place that we don’t know, that we don’t feel secure, but at least that give us joy.

You may read the complete article on Paulo Coelho’s blog.

Sadhana 2011

2011-05-23T18:27:00.000-05:00

Sadhana, a dedicated practice.
It was the final dance recital this week and the year 2010-2011 for dance comes to a close.

I missed my most important and fun part of the recital, getting ready with my friends and chitchatting and laughing and crying. I underestimated the travelling time between my house and the performing stage and I also underestimated the time it would take me to tie my not so long hair anymore, into a bun. I think the precursor to this final rush was rooted in activities throughout the week. During the week I missed my beautician appointment, twice. I couldn’t sew the top that I needed for the show and ended up borrowing from a friend, that covered my muffin top very well but didn’t add anything much other than that. I ended up working overtime when I was planning to take time off from work. I ended up doing my make up in the car while my husband drove me to the performing destination and I ended up rushing to the stage for my first sequence without my ghunghroos (ankle bells).

But in the end it all worked out. I didn’t miss my performance; my sweet friends helped me with final touch ups while treating me like a princess and reprimanding me like a mother. I remembered to smile on the stage, at least part of the time and nobody was hurt in the process of the dramatic back-stage entry or thereafter. A bollywood chick flick kind of a deal :0)

DH was disappointed at the end of the show because my very first sequence was the one I was most excited about it and he missed part of it because of ticket mismanagement and for the other part the lens on the camera wasn’t right to capture good shots. Besides that was the only dance where I was towards the front of the stage and there was enough light to capture a good shot.

As I have been doing all weekend long while I talked to friends and family, at this point I should hand over the phone to DH so that he can explain how I was hiding in the back of the stage and he had a tough time trying to find the window between continuously moving dancers so that he can capture the moment for me. And it is well documented in the pictures as I cropped through many a limb and veils to present a decent picture of me. But like all dark clouds this one had a silver lining too, many of my friends and co dancers were captured in good light, thanks to my Darling Husband.

I would have a few opportunities to perform that particular number again so hopefully next time DH will be able to take good shots. As for me despite all the rush and panic, the performance was an enjoyable experience. The main highlights were the concern and love that my friends hold for me, I felt like the little sister that I never was and there were so many moments that almost brought me to tears, it feels wonderful to be loved and be encouraged and to belong. The other highlight was that I wore a dance jacket that belonged to my guru (Rita ji) many years ago. And it was quite an honor to dance next to some of the wonderfully talented dancers and not feel shortened by the height of their achievement.

I came across this note from July of 2009 and it perfectly sums up wisdom of some of the people that I am surrounded with. “To have the knowledge that I know better and I am going to prove you wrong is so negative. You actually know better when you can forgive another person for not knowing and say yeah, I know better”. My teacher and some of the senior dancers make me feel that way, like its okay to make mistakes and the confidence in me that I’ll learn.

And now after the hustle and bustle of planning and performing, I feel a vacuum that is often felt after the finals week at the end of the semester.

And some pictures:

First Sequence: Vande Matram

The technical dance: Level A

Walking thru woods - peacock

Walk thru woods - Scared of snake

With my girls after the show

Inspired by styling

2011-05-16T18:12:00.002-05:00

I used to frequent the decor8 blog very frequently and over a few moves at home and at work I lost links to my favorite bookmarks resulting in the rediscovery of decor8 blog some months ago.

Since presentation and styling is a favorite subject of mine, this site provides plenty of eye candy and inspiration.

We are still settling in our home and since I am trying very hard to achieve an un-matched look it will take me a long time to style my house the way I want it to be.

Away from the topic I am pursuing but on a similar note, I attended the premier show of the TPT and Goldstein Museum collaboration of the movie and exhibition ‘Smart House, livable community’ last month. It is primarily a design solutions exhibition for people planning for old age and still trying to live in their current homes as long as possible to maintain their freedom and integrity. I got a lot out of it even though I am not planning retirement anytime soon; it was especially cleansing me of the American ways. Where I come from (India), we don’t plan housing as a temporary abode for that particular phase of life, it is built for life and for the life of all the next generations imaginable. The main aspect that hit me in the heart was the discussion before the movie presentation and this particular comment, ‘don’t plan and design your house among things you don’t like and would like to change, try to enhance and embrace what you love about your current space’. I am sure it was spoken in a very different set of words but this is the gist that I am carrying from the particular discussion.

And this fit in my current topic because of my love of many things and they cannot be bought in a store and built/collected in a few months, living comfortably with your own choices is a process in its own. And I’ll share my choices with you in due time but for now since I am inspired by the shots shared in DECOR8 blog, I started arranging things and taking pictures while doing other chores and would like to share those with you.

This shot was taken while I was waiting for
the water to boil for tea.

DH was cooking us some Ramen noodles Chinese style
and the colors of vegetables begged me to take a picture.

I bought a new muffin pan that bakes in shapes of tulips and other
flowers; so, there’s my chocolate tulip, staged for eating after dinner.

If you can’t fight them, join them. I did join my daughters or maybe
they joined me. Here’s OUR collection of rocks, shells and drift woods
displayed on the mantle.

I have had this tea-set for about a dozen years abut haven’t used it a dozen time even. The other day I discovered it in the unopened boxes in the garage and was filled with nostalgia. I am displaying them on my kitchen counter for now, maybe that will make me use them more often.

My new favorites of the season, tulips, orchids, lilacs,

Gerber daisy,basically all flowers are my favorite but these are the newest in my long list.

And finally the favorite place of me, my family and our friends,

the center island.

Yogi Tea Reminders

2011-05-11T17:32:00.000-05:00

I recently (few months ago) started drinking Yogi Tea blends that are design specifically to cure a nuisance. Take note, I didn’t say disease, I said nuisance. Anyways, so besides providing antioxidants and natural herbal supplements, it also shows a yoga pose on each box and the tail of each tea bag comes with a message.

If you have been reading this blog for a bit you know how I look for signs everywhere so these are some that I don’t have to go out to seek, they are just there… or here as following…

Nature is a giver, a true friend and a sustainer.

There is nothing more precious than the self.

Wherever you go, go with all of your heart.

May your light become a living universal light.

When the mind is backed by will, miracles happen.

The purpose of life is to enjoy every moment.

Now if you are also a sign seeker maybe it was just meant to be that you’ll read some of these and be inspired to absorb it or be reminded of something else that will serve as a sign.

I know for sure, I was meant to share them with you, at this moment, so I did it…

Thankful for you, my body

2011-05-09T09:04:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you are too heavy, sometimes too curvy, and sometimes too slow. There have been times when you bleed a lot and other time you bleed at the wrong time. Your weight and fat percentage is totally off balance and the dimpled thighs are ugly. Sometimes you are so needy; you need sleep when my mind wants to go on and when I push you, through you I feel aches and pains.

I can go on about all those things are not perfect with you but at the same time I am thankful for you because despite my constant criticism, you have provided me a beautiful home and let me experience pain and pleasure. It is through you that I express myself and feel my existence; you have given me a definition. You are so adjusting, you expand to accommodate my indulgences and you toughen up to meet my desire to go faster. You let me hold and nurture my babies for nine months and you let me squeeze them now to spill off my love that cannot be contained in my heart. When I abuse you, you let me know but then heal yourself. You run around like a headless chicken trying to keep up with my fervent mind and then when you can’t any more, all you ask for is a little rest and don’t quit on me.

I know that I can fill reams of virtual paper to tell you how important you are to me and how I would just have been an anonymous soul without you here to contain me and define me. But yesterday as I crossed the finish line at this season’s first 5K (Race for Cure at MOA on Mothers’ Day), I was filled with special gratitude because you carried me through when my mind told you to take it slow as it thought that if it push you any longer, your lungs would burst, you continued on. You weren’t fully prepared for it and you happen to be getting over a fight with cold from last week and happen to be bleeding (of course, at the wrong time. Okay, I am sorry I shouldn’t say this cause if you stop bleeding, I’ll go into a panic attack) yet when my brain was slowing you down, your hand plugged it with some music and distracted it and you kept going on. Thank you.

You have perfectly functioning ears and through the mouth that is actually a part of you, I’ll tell everyone that ‘my’ timing was bad and I didn’t do as well as last year or as well as I’d like to imagine myself doing but please don’t take it personally, I know you won’t but just to clarify. And about that rolls of indulgences that would show on my midriff when I am on stage in couple of weeks, it’s not your fault but we’ll work on it together. I know you don’t care about appearances; you are just very honest about who I am but I don’t want to display the uncontrolled side of mind and accept that I am not perfect or do indeed have weaknesses so you’ll have to once again take this journey with me as through you I’ll display a perfection that only exist in my mind.

Thank you for containing me, in every sense of the word…

Random notes from today

2011-04-12T22:00:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday, Saumya stepped out the front door and said, it smells like Florida here. She smelled the warmth and all the goodness that comes with it.

Divi is missing Indian food (I am so glad the girls can appreciate Indian cuisines and have their own favorites). This morning, Divi said to her Dad, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to eat paneer (Paneer Tikka masala) and Samosa at the same time.

Today is Ram Navmi, last day of my nine day fast.

I attended Deepak Chopra’s lecture on meditation and healing yesterday. Although it was my first time attending any such spiritual lecture but I felt totally at ease, my first time in a guided meditation was intriguing; and although I had read many of the concepts that Deepak talked about in his own books, it was a refreshing to hear it again and specially with his commanding presence on the stage.

Last night as I waited in line outside the synagogue for the Deepak Chopra event, I met the author of the book 'if I were your daddy', Julia Espey. We both waited for our respective friends’ to join us and ended up chatting. I love such amazing coincidence, she is such a multi faceted personality that it’s almost an assurance that ‘you can be everything you want to be’ there is no choosing between one or the other.

The bulbs that I planted last fall are blooming in the front yard. And I am planning a vegetable patch for the summer. I visited a friend’s farm this Sunday and got a few gallons of Alpaca poop to speedy up the composting process and be ready for planting season. I am debating if I should start saplings indoors or wait till later.

I am pretty average. Actually I am exactly mathematically average. Medical test results for some of my blood work came in and out of the ones reported so far most of my numbers are smack in the middle. For once it’s good to be just average.

Keeping it real...

2011-04-07T05:21:00.001-05:00

I feel so blessed each time I see my daughters. I feel honored that God chose me to nurture these individuals in early stages of their life and I already know these two are going to be two very remarkable personalities. And so when my girls look up to me and shower their adorations on me, I cannot but gush at my fortune. My girls pretending to go for a run, or pretend to do yoga in the living room, or just pretend to fast with me, it is just too sweet and too special a treat.

And although I enjoy it much I don't want them to have any false givings about my capabilities. I tell them when I need help and I sometimes share with them my fears. My older one is a realist and so she needs to see how irrelevant perfection is at times. Long story short, I was telling my girls about how I need a lot of practice for my upcoming recitals because I am not doing a good job. My daughters of course came back with a, 'No, Mamma you are the best' and 'You dance so well'. So I told them, that I need a lot of practice and then I can do justice to all that my teacher is entrusting me with.

My realist girl quickly asked me, 'so you think your heart is not in it?'

I had to maneuver carefully and I explained, I have lots on my plate and there are many others things in my life that need to be done, and they are my priority and so even though my heart is into dancing I can't devote as much time to it as I want. But that doesn't mean that I'll give up, I'll keep trying and eventually I'll get there but for now I'll just enjoy dancing even if its not perfect.

I saw a light bulb flicker in my girl's eyes, and she said, 'I think you are right Mamma, we should keep trying and no matter what you think I like how you dance'. This was a big concept for my 6 year old to grasp, she wants to be perfect at everything she does, even if its the first time she does it.

And now that we are on the topic of my upcoming dance recital, I need to mention that I am recruited for three sequence. Usually I don't sign up for anything more than one but this time, I just didn't say no. Not yet.

One of the dance is a pure technique dance that I have learned throughout the year, the other one is a special story telling dance that Pt. Birju Maharaj ji specially composed for our dance school and also one of the very first ones that I started to learn seven years ago but never finished. So I am gonna finish it this time.
The third and the opening number is the one that I am honored to be performing. It is a fusion number of India's national song 'Vande Matram' and Guru Rabindranath Tagore's poem 'Where the mind is without Fear'. This year is the 150th birth anniversary of Indian Nobel Laureate and our school will pay respect through this performance. Now you know, why I am so nervous about not doing justice to the whole sequence.
This was also my first time experiencing my teachers' choreography process and I feel very close to her just to be able to watch her go through iterations and create the perfect magic.

Here's the link to the opening fusion number:

And a picture of me from last years' recital:

Running solo...

2011-04-06T02:43:00.002-05:00

Now that I have worked my way back up to be able to run 5Ks (though not at a desired speed), I think I can talk about my last year's race. It was a 5K for CRY (Child's Rights and You), an India based NGO. It was a horrible race on a very personal level, my iPod had a hitch and I lost my music for some reason, it was a very hot mid-morning, I was running solo... I can keep writing excuses about my performance that didn't match up against my expectations but the fact remains that after that race, I gave up. I tried to register for races but it was for the sake of fitness, not because I wanted to run. I had placed myself into the categories of 'Runners' and my performance was not worthy of 'Runners' World'.

And then by late fall I realized that I had lost all the stamina and I couldn't run my usual 3-4 miles anymore. It was again one of those 'eureka' moment, I was missing it because I had lost it. Why do we have to loose something before we know its importance?

I came across a few quotes in Runner's World magazine that I noted in my quotes book and referred to at times, these became my motivation:

1) Running is a free-form activity; we alone determine how fast, how far, and how long we run. The empowerment of running is open to anyone, at any speed. Your definition of "slow" may change as your grow more fit, and will change again as you grow older.

2) At some point, all new runners realize that they are capable of tackling just about anything - whether its hills, speedwork, long runs, or even races. The fact that you are attempting such a range of runs marks a major accomplishment.

As, I am trying to work on my speed for the mothers' Day 5K, I look at these pictures and say to myself, 'you have done it before and you'll do it again'... They were taken at the CRY 5K 2010.

If it works, stick with it...

2011-03-31T23:38:00.001-05:00

We often take things for granted, if its mine its bound to be ordinary, it was only special till it was beyond my reach. And when we loose those same ordinary things that we depended on so much, we miss them terribly. As you'll read towards the end of the post the thought that started this series of thinking was also very ordinary run of the mill but because it provoked so much more within the grey cells may be it was more than that...

As we first step out of the house, for pre-school/ kindergarten, our parents and then teachers and then the society teaches us to work in the group, adjust with others, don't boast your own self, be considerate. I was one of those kids that took a long time to adjust to the fact that once I left my parents home, I was not a princess anymore. I was bossy and imposing and although I have tempered a bit, I haven't changed much. So, I assume, all kids must go through this phase where they realize that they are not special anymore, the best student of the class, he/she is the best and we should all try to be like him/her because of course, he/she gets good grades, awards, praises, everything.
Then we take our focus away from that best person because it too tough to be the best and remain there, so we form peer groups among other similarly emotionally inclined creature who also happen to be in the same dilemma of the impending adolescent. The effect, the pressure, the image we identify with continues to grow with the confusion and the peers that often surround us. Pretty soon, the fog lifts and we find ourselves amidst responsibilities and having to fetch our own path, our own ideal; something that we forgot to create because there was nothing special in us, it was always that other smarter kid that we followed and looked up to.
So we continue looking for that smarter kid to follow; and in the modern times more often than not its a media personality or icon. Hair like that, body like this, home like that, car like this...

We keep looking for that perfect image that we can follow, and in our exhaustion and confusion the life continues, like a blur, a self inflicted fog which we are afraid to lift because we might discover ourself. And we are not the prince/princess anymore, we are that other person who is left out and is not perfect. A compliment from someone else seem like a sly joke, well because I am a nobody, till of course the advertisement on the back of the magazine tells me that 'I am worth it'.

Wouldn't it be so wonderful if we weren't told to curb our personality and were given the opportunity to explore and discover ourself. My parents love me because of who I am and not because I am a size 2 and look good in a bikini. My parents don't love the engineer in me, the cook, the perfect house-keeper, they just love me and have loved me long before I became any of that, who I identify myself as.
So, there is a connection somewhere that is severed. Growing up the mind got the signals to be and to follow that perfection that is never achieved. And now its media, magazines, newspapers all telling me how should I look, what should be the length of my skirt and the thickness of the heels of my shoes and the color of the walls of my bedroom.
Where is my consent, my priority, what do I like, what makes me happy? Do I even know the line where my happiness is because I am complying and others approve of it ends and my personal freedom starts. Do we ever sit long enough to truly understand our own happiness?

I have been thinking a lot about how media influences me and I am trying to stay away from popular culture, sensational news that I have no control over, just for the sanity of my mind. But I find the same things everywhere, fashion magazine, catalogs, home decor, they all are trying to mold me into something that they perceive as perfection. And who are they, followers of a few who failed to conform to the rules of the society to begin with. Who perhaps are a little less convoluted in there minds about their own identity. There must be some who feel good in there own skin and can embrace their own uniqueness.

The quote from Marianne Williamson in the movie 'Akeela and the Bee
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Hence, my topic for the post, we all discover little things in our life that work for us but because we have it, we tend to discount it and negate it and often loose it; only to realize how well it worked for us, with us. I rediscovered yoga after about 6-7 months. I had misplaced the yoga DVD during the move and never missed it, that is, till all my experiments to stay fit were lost on me and I did need to go back to something tried and tested. It took an hour to look for my DVDs and now I am back on my track, I realized how effective it is and how much I took it for granted. But now I know, if it works stick with it. Not everything else works as well... told you it was silly thing that generated the whole series of thoughts.

Still Alice by Lisa Genova

2011-03-30T18:27:00.004-05:00

If you are fascinated by the workings of the mind, no not the big picture and enlightenment kind of things but how mind functions and how much we take it for granted then this a book for you.

The book ‘Still Alice’ written by Lisa Genova is about a Harvard professor with an early onset of Alzheimer’s and her struggle with it. I could completely relate to the main character, like her I also think that its work that I do that defines me. So, it was kind of very personal for me and often like with everybody else I do forget things like ‘they never existed’ not like ‘I vaguely remember it but details are gone’. It was scary, how her symptoms started showing and not just how other people reacted to it but when the lost moment is passed how she thought about it and analyzed it. It was an amazing insight about how dementia can affect a person and despite her effort to make sure she doesn’t become a burden on anyone; she forgot her own rescue plan.

As I said I found it very close to my heart and the emotion that the character conveyed seemed very true, I guess as close you can get without actually getting the disease. Her struggle with not remembering her youngest daughter and how she grew to understand the body language when the word processing in her mind failed her; Alice was so courageous and she never gave up. And the perspective of a professor’s struggle with the loss of her own identity and everything she stands for was priceless. And the best part, despite being a story about an Alzheimer’s patient, the book is not sad, though it will tug at your heart strings a few times.

Worth Reading :)

On a personal note, I attended this design workshop that had a module about designing for people with disability and one of the presenters was a guy on a wheel chair. We took a little stroll with him to see the perils that a person on wheel chair faces because of our so called standards, designed to keep safety in mind. It was drizzling that late afternoon and that made it all the tougher for this particular individual on the manual wheel chair.

All throughout the brilliant presentation I kept thinking besides the design topic about the remarkable personality and the fact that there is so much more to him than the ‘disabled’ label that we often assign. Now since I got to see a bit of his mind and thoughts, I think he is very handsome and a very passionate person. I like people who have a passion for something…

Just a little reminder about not judging and labeling people based on that first glance, there is so much depth that lies below the calm surface.

Pictures to Please...

2011-03-16T22:27:00.002-05:00

I am pretty sure the popularity of my blog among family and close friends must be on a downward spiral because its been a long while since I posted kids pictures. So, to rectify the situation, here are some pictures that speak a thousand words...

Divi busy making a house

Somu at Science class, making parachute for her rocket

Snow tubing :)

Caught in action, I took this picture while tubing together

Going up the escalator...

Coming down the sloped, DH and Divi

Taking a break by the fire pit...

Time to leave, one last family shot

My mum shaped me

2011-03-12T23:23:00.000-06:00

And so did my Dad as you'll read and I can already predict these set of thoughts are going to be a few posts long but I need to share it. These are very personal are dear thoughts and since my blog is one place where I am unafraid to be judged I am willing to share it.

I am a perfect child, there I have said it :)
I was one of those girls that other girls despised taking home because after that first visit, my friends' mom would start saying, 'look at her, can you not be like her' or start packing extra lunches for them to share with me at school. I just have been blessed that way, showered with extra love from family, friends and their families. And of course my mum shaped me to be who I am...

As back as I could remember I wanted to grow up into my Dad. I wanted to be Electronics/Aeronautical Engineer. I never wished to be married to a defense personnel but I know this if they had opened the doors of Defense Academy for girls in my times, I'd have applied for sure. I am and always was a doer just like my Dad, my mum is more of a thinker. I want to be for my girls what my Dad is for me, open and always listening before throwing advise out. I want my Dad's patience and art of dealing with people rather than blurting out my mind like I have done for most of my adult life.
So, after all these things that my Dad taught me, not by saying but by living how did my mum even got a chance to shape me? Oh! by the way, my initial cooking training started under my dad's wings too...

They say, a daughter loves her Dad and so tries to imitate her mom so that she can get that same love that her beloved dad is showering on her mother and then boys do the same by imitating their Fathers.
So, I guess I was striving to get my mum's love by trying to be just like my Dad. May be?

During a discussion with my friend she quoted, 'Once a daughter becomes a mom she seizes to be her mother's daughter and becomes her clone'. I cannot agree more.

It was my mum's dedication to the family when even after getting a Master's degree and numerous other training courses she never took her own career seriously. At times I saw her loneliness and boredom and felt incapacitated to reach her or even tell her that I understood; those moments prompted me to have a passion besides my kids and husband. And God knows that I have gone out of my way to keep it that way.

My mum is a vegetarian, but she made sure that I ate meat. As a kid if I cringed from eating spicy meat curry, she said to me, 'after you turn 18, I'll not force you to eat meat but for now you have to'. At that time she didn't eat at the same table where meat was served but she made sure that her kids did eat meat. Her thinking is: try it, don't feel inhibited, don't make it a taboo and if you don't like it don't do it again.

My mum has a clean heart, for she never keeps anything within her. And her openness often provokes the listeners' insecurities sometimes she wants to evoke just that and at other times her words tug on pains that were neatly hidden under layers of pretense. At extended family gatherings she cautions herself to keep a check on her own comments but with a heart as clean as hers, it just surfaces. If she choses to keep her lips sealed, the salted water through her eyes says it all. I guess, I am still striving for the balance where I want a clean heart (no grudges) and happy people around me. It is a difficult territory to mange and keep track of other peoples' insecurities and fears.

My mum always looked like my elder sister and as a teenager I cringed it but now that I feel I got some of her genes and people often are surprised to know that I have two girls of my own or that my brother is younger to me in age, I am actually thankful for it.

My mum, thanks to her genes, shies away from make up and despite my resolution to not be so unaware about latest make-up products when I grow up, find myself in the same category. Growing up she shared that its her morning oatmeal that keeps her so slim and even though I always wanted my egg and toast in breakfast I wished I could like her oatmeal. She said that lentil will make my hair grow healthier and longer or that vegetables will make my skin glow. Now as an adult and as a mom I not only use those same tricks on my daughters I still believe in them and abide by them.

Oh! by the way, even though she doesn't eat eggs, she conditioned my hair (before I learned to do it myself) with raw egg every sunday to make them healthy and long. I totally owe my hair to her; the egg, the lentil lunches, the coconut hair oil massages... all her efforts.

She spared me from all household chores. Sometimes, there was household help available, at other times it was not but I never found a difference. The campaign on National television inspired people to treat their sons' and daughters' equal and I always pulled on that one since my brother was the baby of the family he was more loved but now that I look back I am so ashamed, I have never seen a more balanced and blessed childhood like the one my parents gave to me.

My mum came from a very conservative family and was never given the freedom to pursue all that she wanted to do but in that respect, she treated me like an individual who was no different than her son or any other individual that lives on this earth and I know that if there's ever anything that I really want to do, my mum will be on my side.

There's lot more that I can share but let me get to the crux of this post. My mum is so proud of me and she should be because she shaped me into who I am and I think I turned out pretty good for all that I have done so far and intend to do in future but she is not proud of herself. Like all mothers', like all of us who constantly doubt themselves she thinks that she could have done better and she should have done better.
She brought this topic up over phone a few months ago and I tried to tell her what she meant to me but I am not sure if I said all that I wanted to say or does she know for that matter all that I have yet to say.
I kept pondering and without realizing that I am being shaped, I evolved a little. I have to practice not doubting myself, not as a person and definitely not as a mother.
My mum reads this blog so I hope she can read it in the words written and unwritten that if she is proud of me, she should be proud of herself because she shaped me.
And because I know she loves me almost as much as she loves my dad, I must have been successful in being my Dad's clone ;-)

In the times of the butterflies

2011-03-08T22:21:00.000-06:00

By Julia Alvarez

This was our book club read for the month of February. I’d call this an okay book. It held my curiosity till the end so in that respect it was engaging but it didn’t satisfy my hunger even after the end so that wasn’t acceptable.

It would have been okay if it was a fictional piece and then the incomplete details would be luxuriously filled in through lingering imaginations but the fact that this a story based on true accounts of the Mirabel sisters made that possibility bleak. It’s a story set in the Dominican Republic in the 40s and the 50s with the revolution that was about to overthrow the dictator. The three Mirabel sisters were the heroines of this story and their death anniversary is still celebrated in that part of the world.

I guess it was authors attempt to show the human life behind these celebrated heroines but in the process of humanizing them she stripped them of the passion that led them to be what they were. In the novel it seemed they were at the right place at the right time or vice versa; and they didn’t actively play a role in shaping the future. Except for maybe Minerva who had idealistic political views, the other sisters were just caught in the humdrum or so it seems. I wanted to know what ticked these women besides the fact the dictator was a womanizer or that he killed all male members of a family who were planning a coup. Any practical ‘animal’ would go for these things, sex and power are not taboo words in a dictators dictionary but what was it that ticked common people to raise arms against him, what was the role of the communist parties in the region, why did the revolution fail, what were the exact plan of the revolutionaries after the dictator was gone. If these women chose to join the revolution then there must be others who were suffering from the dictators tyranny and did nothing against it, where was the contrast that their lives provided. All these topics were untouched.

And I hung on till the end because I wanted to know what aspect of the sisters’ passion/life threatened the dictator so much that he had them killed even when supposedly they were under house arrest and wasn’t part of the revolution anymore.

Through this book, I learned something about Dominican Republic and am curious to find out more and it did talk in great detail about the girls that became the celebrated Mirabel sisters but it left out the most important detail that caused the change within them…

I want that perspective

2011-03-04T22:44:00.001-06:00

Have you ever met somebody so perfect that even their sheer presence intimidates you?

It took a little practice for me to realize that I was intimidated, most of the time I got a very negative feeling about this person as I judged myself against this person’s perfection and something inside me made me felt inadequate and in turn led to the aversion.
It took some effort to face my fears and to try to not run away from this feeling of insecurity and rather analyze it and this introspect has rather led me to a fascination, if I may say so, towards these people that used to threaten me with their absolute perfection.

In general I am only aware of one aspect of their personality, like the doctor who speaks so passionately, or the mom of three kids with perfect figure, or a pharmacist with awesome dancing skills, an engineer who runs 8-10 miles to work every day.
Do you see a pattern, it took me several years to figure out that I am looking at only one facet of their life and measuring it against my own little yard stick. Whereas I know all facets of my life and when it comes to judging me I am not very generous.

Let’s start with this perfect dancer, she is not my teacher but subs sometimes and so a student so perfect to work as sub intimidated me. I use to skip her classes because I knew she’ll see right through me and discount me for I am not a perfect dancer. I got to know her during a performance as she encouraged me to face my stage fright and decided to not skip her classes for she might be able to help me. One day after class I asked her, you are so perfect can you teach me to be so?
To my surprise, she confessed that she wasn’t born a dancer and it doesn’t come naturally to her, she practices every single day to be what she is. It wasn’t the first time but still very rare when someone admits to working hard rather than just discounting their own brilliance.
LESSON ONE: Practice… Practice…. Practice… to be who you want to be

Armed with my last week’s success I approached this mom of three who looks gorgeous and I don’t even know her name. I asked her how she manages to look so good, in whatever she does or wears. She literally gasped; she didn’t see my compliment coming, not at least the way it came. She admitted to working out 4 times a week at the gym but confessed that she doesn’t feel good about her body. She said she is dreading wearing a swimsuit on the spring break trip and this time I didn’t see it coming, flat on my face; really, I asked? She said her cheeks aren’t what she wants them to be and in my state of shock and admiration I blurted out, I’d never complain if I have a body like you. And to reaffirm my comment as her eyes searched for something on my face, I said, ‘I promise’. She gave me a broken smile and said in a pained voice, ‘why make a promise that you know you can’t keep’. I realized, a few moments ago she was searching for her own reflection in my face and it hit me, we are all so similar under that tissue paper of a covering that we use to define ourselves.
LESSON TWO: Accept your own goodness… just be you… don't critisize yourself

It’s a long series of thoughts and when I my thoughts ran faster than I could type, I decided to look back to take a second look at the initial thought that germinated this post.

She is a friend who thinks I and my life is perfect (of course she doesn’t read this blog, otherwise she’d know better). She cannot stop wishing for the house that I live in, the neighborhood, the school that my kids go to, the hours that I work, my social life, the work I do at school, the way I arrange things in my house, my fitness, my weight (gasp)… everything. She even bought the exact same watch I have, it was too annoying and getting on my nerves and so I had to revisit my annoyance and figure out what’s bothering me. Why is her admiration causing me heartburn? Well, cause I am not perfect, I have confessed so many times I am barely hanging in there with a tiny thread, the nervous moments, the things I long to do and I miss so many thing; I can never do all that I wish to do, it’s never perfect.

I guess it’s a problem with my yard stick and that I know too much. I knew my plans and failed to see what all I have done; instead focused on things I failed to do. Every time an outsider (the one who doesn’t know my plans) appreciated something I cringed because I was afraid that someday they’ll discover all that I didn’t do and I’ll lose their admiration.

And when I thought about the awe that I hold for other people I was reassured that I’ll still admire that perfect physique even if the butt is half an inch too small and that I’ll always strive for that one perfect show as a dancer even if I am not the lead and I’ll always think of that motivating speech when I am going to make my own presentations and no I’ll not judge their achievements against their shortcomings. They are who they are and I am who I am… I am enough and I wish to not lose that perspective.

What is important?

2011-03-03T06:17:00.002-06:00

Something that gives you happiness, fills you with gladness, adrenaline rush, pink sweaty cheeks, pounding heart, a smile so big that even a grin cannot contain. If one knew the sure shot secret formula to achieve it each and every time wouldn’t they want to do it over and over again?

Often when my school friends with young kids just like mine complain about not finding enough time to reply emails or read books, I rebut by saying don’t use your kids as an excuse just admit it’s not a priority for you.
So the same applies to me, if I know the formula and supposedly my ‘Happiness’ should be a priority for me then why don’t I do it. I am talking about training/running for a cause, not a Marathon but just a 5K. I know it gives me pleasure, instant as well as long term, but I am failing to stick to it. What is my excuse?

We are in our third month of the New Year and so far I have not achieved an inch of ‘simplification’ in my life. The only thing that is working is meal plans for the week. I make a menu on Saturday for the following week and shop according to my plan and that has made dinners and weekend groceries so much simpler but other than that it’s all up in the air. I used to have a work plan for cyclic chores in my old house but since the square footage increased my plan needed a re-vamp and I haven’t gotten around to it yet.

So coming back to what is important, if there is something that makes me happy I’d do it over and over and if there is something that makes me sad I’d avoid it but it’s not happening that way.

Are my priorities screwed up? Why can I not make time for running, dance practice, painting, haircut, manicure, sleeping, leisure bath…?

Inconsequential

2011-02-28T09:06:00.000-06:00

A few weeks later, I’ll look back and there would be nothing on my calendar, in my pictures or even on my to-do list to remind me why I felt agitated, inadequate and short on time this Monday morning, so I decided to jot down a few things.

It was a very busy weekend that started with volunteering at Somu’s school on Friday followed by a few hours of work from home that wasn’t enough to do all that I was supposed to get done. Saturday seemed like a low-key day in the beginning but by 9:00am we as a family were in the think of it. DH had to leave for school Board Meeting (5 hours long), I had to get kids ready and take them with me to my dance class and as I was walking out the door, I glanced at the calendar, it was my daughter’s friend’s birthday that over-lapped with my dance class timing and I had no gift/card picked out for her.
On the way to Minneapolis for the dance class, I took out my prayer beads for some down time and the kids cooperated but my mind didn’t. It was racing over the dinner menu for some friends were coming over and I had not done my grocery shopping yet and as I was substituting one dish for another from items available in my pantry I was adamant that its all going to be Indian and I am going to cook it all. I don’t know how it all fell in place but it did, only thing while it was still up in the air slowly waiting to happen, my nerves were on their edge.

Sunday began late cause of course we were up till late on Saturday night and then between the brunch and hour long phone calls to back home, it was already 1:00pm; time for my friends to arrive for dance practice and I still didn’t have the appetizer ready for the tea that I will be serving after the practice is over and my sink was still full of dishes from last night. (We had dishes for two loads of dishwasher and couldn’t get through them all).

When the fragments of time settled and I could see life clearly again, the weekend was over. Kids were cranky, homework not done, laundry screaming my name, my list (that’s coming) looming like a pendulum in my head and my body exhausted after the intense dance practice fell on the floor cushions and snoozed for a whole 35 minutes.

While things often fall in place, I guess you resign to achieve perfection after a point and most important tasks do get done; there is a vibration that lingers on in your jarred nerves long after the moment has passed. And while it is nice to get appreciated for the things that one can handle but its not enough to just keep doing that, expectations after expectations, responsibility after responsibility, day after day… it never ends.

On my mind this morning:

Finish the book for my book club meeting tonight

Make appetizers for book club meeting

Spend at least two hours at the meeting

Make tu-tu skirt and flower headband for donating at school event

Fix flowers for pots for school event

Make share album for daughter

Make album for friend (I took pictures for her at her b’day party)

Find and iron my kathak dress for a friend who is performing next weekend

Get the dress to her in the middle of the week.

Follow up with my baby-sitter; line up another one for Friday’s event

Find a dress that fits (me and the theme) for Friday school event

Make two props for donation items for silent auction

Dinner Menu for next Saturday dinner get-together

Besides these there are all the cyclic chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, healthy meals, running routine, dance practice, weight management, and after-school activities and so on and so on)

Sigh! It feels good to write it all down, not so that I can dwell in self pity but just so that next time when I trip and stumble, instead of beating myself to the ground for the failure, I can take it in spirit… with so much going on and you win some and you lose some.

Random Thoughts and Updates

2011-02-24T09:05:00.000-06:00

Belong:
It seems so important to belong, for some reason just having that connection that somebody read the same book as you did or visited the same place as you did means so much to me these days. Just the mention of a name of one character, one bus route, one restaurant that tells the whole story, bring about secret connections to the surface that we never knew existed. I find satisfaction and solace in that.
If DH asks me what are you thinking and I say, ‘Rearton’, it conveys everything and our minds are tuned, we are on the same page at least for that moment. Like speaking to my another friend over lunch and going back to discuss the places we both have seen in the same era before everything changed or so it seems now, ‘you remember how they served the samosas’? One remark and we both are transcended to a place far in distance only to be reached in the memories of those who were there. What a privilege, to belong and find out who else belongs and to hold hands and dive in. I don’t know why it is important.

Friends:
Finding friends on Facebook are so refreshing, like taking a trip down the memory lane. It starts the same each and every time. Are you…? Did you..? Do you remember…? Quickly followed by a chat online or over phone and then usually who else do you know from the memory lane and a link created from past to the current after a leap of years or decades, intact like it never was lost. I am loving the virtual embraces and nods like we were all waiting for everybody to arrive so that we can embark on a new journey, a few of my pieces are still missing but soon, I’ll find them all.

Divi:
God gives you only as much as you can handle. I guess this little girl can handle a lot and that too in good humor. She has been through a lot of sickness and I am happy to report that just like her other sicknesses, she wore the pneumonia bacterial down rather than getting run down. She is now all clear in her lungs with just a little congestion in her throat and nose.
This little girl is obsessed with babies and puppies. When she grows up, she’ll have a baby and a puppy. And when she grows up, her parents are going to be babies and so she is going to feed me mashed banana and when we die, she’ll get all our money. Yup, this girl has all her fundamentals cleared.

Somu:
She is smart and is getting recognized for it and just like the rest of us she expects to be perfect all the time without realizing the learning curve that usually go with being perfect or the best. She is learning but it’s tough for her to fall short of her own expectations and as a mother I often struggle to keep the balance between inspiring her to do better and yet show her the pit-falls where she stumbled. We both are learning and at certain times, I look at her and find a younger me ready to rebel against the current me and I get caught in a battle that usually never exists. I am trying to correct the current me based on what I know where she is actually not me but herself and she would turn out totally different and might never need the lessons I’m trying to bring to her attention… and it all gets confusing just like my muddled words. It is so tough to realize that we all are own person with our own set of insecurities and fears and dreams and aspirations and it always seem easy to perfect a life that somebody else is living rather than improve an inch of the one that we have created for our self. I am a victim and an offender of this injustice.

Me:
Well, all that I said above was me as well, my perspective of looking at things anyways but for now I just want to say, 'Anywhere but here'. I escape in my mind all the time but I ready for some physical escape far away from cold and grey...

Atlas Shrugged - food for thought

2011-02-16T22:53:00.000-06:00

I am working on this international bridge project with Canada and every time I am in a meeting with the folks from across the border, I think Oh! I have to document this wonderful feeling and how if people wish they can find their way around bureaucracy and get the job done.
As it is my work contain several layers of regulations, some overlapping and others not but many that may facilitate and document a process while others present themselves as a road block. I have never chosen to discuss the nature of my work before but after reading Ayn Rand's 'Atlas Shrugged', I am thinking more and more about the nature of my work, my work ethics and most importantly where do I fall in the line of characters that she chose to depict the story with.

I loved the book and it has really made me think, and think critically about the way I think but I don't agree with her philosophy. I disagree with her as much as I disagree with Dalai Lama's book about eight steps to enlightenment. In that book he preaches that when in doubt about your action think of the masses versus thinking about you as an individual. I disagree with that because it assumes that when an individual will think, he/she will think about his/her selfish interest which in turn would conflict with the well-being of the masses. Well, doesn't that doubt the basic goodness of human nature? And my other point is you cannot make anybody else happy unless the voice from within urges you to do something without expectations of any gains. And if you beat the self for the cause that you believe in sooner or later, it will develop into regrets and grudges. The life is for living and our purpose is to live it the best and we can do that only with our life no body else's.

In Ayn's words : 'My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.'

I agree with this line of thinking but that for a human being to develop a sound moral code, it will have to go through a process. That process starts out long before the productive achievement phase of the life kicks in and that while that being grows, it is enveloped and molded by inputs from the outer world that might not give it the regard that a new life deserve because it is based on self interest. And it would be in their self-interest to be a better person and better role model but they might not be evolved enough to see it at that stage in life and this is where society steps in and tries to set decorum of normal people that can provide an average safety net to all concerned.

I guess, you can see where I am going with this, if you have read this book you know that I belong to the section that the author despises the most in her philosophy; the one who adopts the middle path. I don't claim to know everything but I know for sure that life is not black and white, there are many grey spots. There are no absolutes, everything is relative and the basis of those values and insecurities start forming a solid foundation long before a child is independent enough to evaluate them, judge them. And these continue long into our adulthood...

I strongly disagree with judging anybody, any situation because I start with the assumption that there are things that lay outside of my realm of understanding and unless I have experienced them for myself I cannot generalize it. And the book proves itself wrong when it is talking about the conflict between science and religion and then relates it to the mystics of India or of the orient. The two major inherent religion of the east that I am familiar with actually have no conflict with science. Actually science and logic and mathematics and medicine is part of the ancient religious scriptures and was taught as part of religious education. She kept criticizing Indian spiritual beliefs based on then popular trends. And so that proves my point you cannot judge something without actually knowing it in depth and experiencing it.

Yes, I did take it personally when she kept trashing Indian mystics against the science when she didn't have any knowledge about what she was talking, but that was a personal judgement.

Anyways, so as I sat in this meeting today about building a bridge spanning across the two nations and figured out the layers and layers and regulations and hoops that we'll have to jump through, it brought me to the book and that sometimes government can be all that she talked about in the book but at other times I seek shelter under its 'socially progressive' policies and totally stand by them. It is because of their socially progressive policies that I was able continue to work outside of home after giving birth to my daughter... so I owe it to them. And I choose to take a middle path, where I negotiate my way out of situation and continue to work with the system and make it work for me rather than ask for ideal situation before I put my mind to good use.

I guess, my two cents ran a little too long....

Valentine's Day Creations...

2011-02-15T12:11:00.000-06:00

We had a little get-together with work folks to celebrate Valentine's Day and I was one of the organizers for this little party. Going with the theme, chocolate fondue was for appetizers and heart shaped pizzas for lunch.

This little jar was for a game where everybody guesses the number of hershey's kisses in the jar...

How many Kisses?

We also gave everybody heart shaped card-board boxes to decoate for one other person, this is the one I did. Initially I wanted to keep it all white with an embossed look but added a few reds at the last minute.

Heart Box

Hearts on heart box

I had a few more kisses left so I filled this little (trash) can with chocolates for everybody to get a second chance at guessing.

The hidden, unseen kisses of future :)

The table was covered with rose petals and heart shaped doilies were used for placemats. The single rose and cupcake became part of the table setting.

Cupcake Rose, part of table decoration

This is the box that I got, my friend made it for me and stuffed it with cute valentine's day socks. I have a knack for wearing bright and colorful socks with mundane business casuals.

Heart box that my friend made for me...

The chocolate fondue had a white and dark chocolate option. Dark chocolate was semi sweet (60%) hershey's chocolate and met everybody's craving's with much graciousness :)

Some edible creation - Chocolate Fondue

Reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand...

2011-02-03T21:52:00.000-06:00

I am addicted to this book, ‘Atlas Shrugged’ by Ayn Rand.

I am immersed in this book so fully that sometimes I ignore what my three year old is trying say or that my husband is inviting me for tea. It is after ages that a book has engulfed me to this extent; I think the last one was few years ago when I read ‘Gone with the Wind’ and then when it was over the withdrawal and the vacuum drove me crazy. I can and so can DH predict a similar fate of mine this time around but I am hooked, addicted and can totally relate to a drug addict who needs an outside energy to keep the internal machinery going.

I am not physically dependent but my mind is craving more of it constantly. I look for things to do that does not involve my mind so I can continue listening to this book. I like to clean, fold laundry, organize and everything else that requires a monotone and not an active participation of my mind.

I don’t know how this book is going to end and to what extent will I indentify with this book but for now it is holding me down to my core and I love such intense connection and passion. This book is going to change certain aspects of my understanding forever and would develop my philosophy of life in new dimensions even if I don’t completely agree with this book in the end but that still remains to be seen. I might write more about it later but had I found this book a few years ago I would have been totally sold on the idea of productivity. Deep down I still constantly want to produce and be active and be useful but these days something in my life is asking me to slow down and just watch the rays of the sun move across the room and live like, ‘I am here for now’. There is a quote in my living room, ‘this too shall pass’, to remind me of the fragility of each passing moment. By the time one realizes its presences the moment vanishes in thin air to be replaced by new one exactly like the previous one and yet so different.

This book constantly talks about rewarding productiveness and moral clarity and at this stage of life when I would like to slow down and create some breathing space I find myself alone and deserted and pointless. I put immense value in my friendships and relationships and this book has shown these links in a bad light, as if everybody is seeking something in return for the friendship that they might offer; and in turn true friends do not offer others a helping hand until they pay a physical price or have a personal motive for the favor they are offering. I know the author is trying to preach a theory and has chosen unadulterated characters but I don’t think life is that simple or may be my views and moral values have been corrupted by the system as the book claims and the only way to appreciate the mind is by accepting it in its entirety.

I don’t know and I shouldn’t be writing about the book before I finish it but I am scared that once the book is completed the withdrawal is going to drown me and I might not be able to convey the pleasure that this book is giving me and the excitement that it has brought back into my life.

Coming back...

2011-01-28T15:32:00.000-06:00

Its been over a year that I have not posted anything on this blog and for the longest time I considered discontinuing this blog and merging with my other blog. But over the last few weeks I have been reconsidering reviving and rekindling the creative spirit. Its not that I wasn't creative the last year or so when I had stopped posting but just the sharing part of it was lacking and now I am in the phase where I don't seem to have accomplished anything and I would like seek some help getting my creative self back.

Long ago, I had started making a 'bad weather journal' where I'd write inspirational quotes and compliments that I received just so that I can lean on those fair weather words when I find myself down in the dumps or a similar downward spiral. It came in very handy and though I have stopped updating that journal I still read it in rough time and find solace and amusement.
I plan to follow a similar process here. I'll share my ideas and inspirations and also hope to share a few finished products, I might just start with the ones that I have already done but I am determined to start and hope that mass and momentum will gather... Yes, I can't deny I am an engineer and equations seem to just creep into design just like design often shows up in my engineering.

Today I felt inspired by these postcard from Anthropologie:

There was something in these words that struck a chord in my own heart and I just had to share them. I love writing letters but in today's fast paced world of emails and chats, written words have long been forgotten except by my Mom who often writes to me in the traditional way. After seeing these I think I just might write to her that long over due letter...

1-1-11 in pictures...

2011-01-11T06:11:00.000-06:00

My word for 2011

2011-01-07T00:26:00.001-06:00

Faith is the reassurance that you feel when you see a car parked with its light on in the far corner of the white snow covered parking lot amidst emptiness lit gently by the glow of the unknown. I don’t know if one ever gets to find out if that car was actually a security car or just another car waiting at random or in fact a predator lurking for a weak link.

I am a person of strong faith; this faith has been thrown across the room, slammed on a mirror, thrashed in sludge and there have been many moments where I thought I lost it but no, it came back all the time, shinier and stronger than I ever knew it before. I think even those very few and scarce moments when I couldn’t see it, it was because my eyes were clouded and it indeed was carrying me through.

This past year with every realization I thought ‘Faith’ should be my word for 2011 not because I want to strengthen it but just as a tribute, to show my thankfulness for its presence. As the year was coming to a close I meditated over my needs and the areas of possible growth in the coming New Year and I realized that I have everything physically possible for a good life and thank goodness the realization of the many blessings god has bestowed me with. All I need to do is to arrange and organize to not be overwhelmed by it; that seemed like a very physical world goal and I needed something deeper and a more soul conscious goal. I mulled the thought many times and it dawned upon me that I am making things so much more complicated and my mind rather than narrowing down on an anchor floated and choked in muddled water… And with that thought appeared my word for the year, ‘Simplify’ – inside and out.

I plan to take things one piece at a time but while I make plans I have this faith that now that the universe knows what I am seeking, it will guide me and pave way for me to reach my goals.

Happy New Year 2011

2011-01-03T22:44:00.001-06:00

I believe that the New Year day sets the tone for the rest of the year to follow and so I like to squeeze all the things I like to see myself doing the rest of the year. If only intent could also help in defining the year then blogging would make it to the charts.

It seems this year like the rest of the years is going to be a struggle to manage all things that I intend to do. I say that because I would have it no other way, I don’t want to choose a counted number of activities and then perfect them, rather I’d like a taste of all things and keep longing for more. There is certain charm in carving out slivers of time to indulge and yet not be satisfied, to keep the hunger, the fire of desire going. The words sound like taken out from a drama sequence and that is how I live life, treat life. If I look past the situations, circumstances and people like the life is a drama, it becomes very fun to live, on some levels a little detached but fun none the less. I guess I am diverging from my original intent…

Our new year was loads of fun. Girls really got into the spirit of celebrating this season and so we had sparkling pear juice in wine glasses for them while DH and I popped open a bottle of champagne a little before midnight. Fondue dinner was prepared by DH and we also had some caviar, cranberries cheese and chocolate fondue for dessert.

After food, DH lit some fireworks for us. It was so windy that girls and I stood inside the front door while DH ran outside to plant the firework in snow after we lit it using the door and our body as a cover from the wind. Once inside we danced, more like jumped, to the music to warm our bodies.

We concluded the night with phone calls to grandparents and Aunts, Uncles and cousins.

These phone calls continued throughout the next day. I think the New Year Day would be in a separate post.

The girls finally went to bed at 2:00am with a request to dance at one more song which we did not honor and DH and I stayed up till even later. In the middle of all celebration Saumya sneaked in a little time to read a book and relax. She is a true book-worm :)

It was a special time, saying good bye to an old intimate friend, the year that watched us so closely, molded us and allowed us to grow and prosper. It smoothed some rough edges, ruffled some other; it loved us and made us cry; we fought and we hugged, we screamed and we sang… All in all, a year with many changes some that changed me forever.

One last picture, following tradition we rang in the new year 2011 in new jammies...

Saumya at Six

2010-12-08T14:13:00.001-06:00

Weight: 50 lbs

Height: 45.25 inches

Grade: One

Activities: Art, Chess, Science, Swimming and of course Reading

She switched to Public school from the Montessori Program at the beginning of this school year. It was a big transition from self directed to Teacher directed and paced and it took her about a month to get a hang of it.

Her favorite lunch food is chicken Taquitoes. She likes to eat Mac n cheese at Noodles and Company and Paneer Tikka masala at the local Indian restaurant. Dumpling is her absolute favorite carry out food, the only thing that she is greedy about.

She loves to read-read-read, she belong to the school book club and reading at Grade 3 levels.

Art is her favorite, the other day she said Mamma, “I am not going to be just an artist I’ll be something more than that and I’ll teach art”. She does have a very strong teaching bone in her body as we have noticed during playtime with her sister.

She is ahead in her class in reading and Math and at par with all other activities. She loves to write and often draws pictures along with writing stories. She is a story teller and is now starting to develop characters in her tales. She could be a writer.We get first semester progress report later this week.

She goes to Science class after school and her teacher absolutely loves her. When I told him that she might be a little too young to grasp the concepts, he totally defied that and asked me to enroll her for the next class even if it is full. I’ll pick her from waiting list, he said.

She is a leader and loves to give instructions and manage things. She is often very conservative in her thinking. Her style is very structured and rule following, she doesn't like to deviate from norms.

She doesn’t like the idea of having kids and has expressed concerns, like:

-If you love someone do you have to have kids?

-I wonder if Rapunzel really wanted to have kids.

-So, what do you do if you get a child and you don’t want it?

She is a Realist and extremely practical. If we can excite her with a gift or trip or activity, then it’s a rare treat for us.

We took a trip to Kennedy Space center in November and since then she is hooked to space and astronaut movies. Hubble telescope IMAX is next on our list to take her to.

I’ll add more to it as I remember it and if you know her please contribute through comments.

Chambre divine des princesses

2010-11-13T17:42:00.000-06:00

These are the pictures of girls bedroom that I submitted for the 'small kids, big color' contest at Apartment Therapy - Ohdeedoh
Let me know what you think, any chance of being in the top nine ;-)

Color inspiration:

I asked my girls to choose the color for their rooms and since they couldn’t reach a consensus, I was given two choices: Purple and Pink. Since I believe in the healing power of the colors, I chose an almost meditative lavender for their bedroom and an energetic pink for their playroom.

The antique white furniture that I had planned for room provided just the right balance and green added the required punch. My friend customized the name decals and also made the scrapbook pages hanging in the frame above the beds. Since I couldn’t find the perfect curtain panels with thermal lining, I ended up sewing my own.

Tips for using colors:

When choosing the color palette, be cognizant of the primary purpose of the room in addition to design preference.
After I chose the calming lavender wall color with antique white for trim and furniture, I let the owners of the room take over and cross the boundaries of any prevailing color theory; the bedside lamp, white orchid, brass idol, jewelry box and most of the other accessories were picked by the girls.
The room was designed per girls taste to meet their current requirements but hold plenty of potential for future transformations.

Color used:

Brave Purple, ‘harmony’ by Sherwin Williams

Antique white for trim and furniture

Green and Hot pink for accent colors

A few glimpses of our Diwali

2010-11-09T14:03:00.000-06:00

Diwali this year was fabulous like the other years but since it was on the weekend it provided us with plenty of opportunities to socialize with the friends. We created some very precious memories, sharing a few here that were capture through the lens...

Making Diyas with colored clay

Added some sparkles to it...

Five sweets - Kalaakand, chocolate burfi, Suji laddu, Khaja and gulab jamuns

Ready for puja, girls helped me organize the space

Dew was very cold when we stepped out to take the picture, barefoot

Sweets spread for friends

Kids had tons of fun playing together

We played dress up...

It was cold and kids sat in the back of the car to see the fireworks

And then of course they had to try some on their own

Happy Diwali

2010-11-04T10:41:00.000-05:00

This is that time of the year when I am a huge basket case; I usually roll into a ball of tears even at genuine laughter of my kids or even for that matter somebody else’s laughter. I miss my Family, the one that I grew up with, a lot. And every time I have a melt-down I am reminded by my DH sometimes in very harsh words that this right now is my family and I should learn to cherish that.

I totally understand that and I know 20 years down the line when my kids won’t be able to make it home for festivals I will still turn into a ball of tears missing them. Right now I cherish these moments more than anything else and the reason for that is the sorrow that dwells inside for not being close to my family, the one I grew up with. I know for sure that ‘this too shall pass’ just like all the rest of them…

It has been 10 years since I have celebrated Diwali with my family, the one I was born into, and I have continued to celebrate this festival without them and so far none of the memories that I have created in the last decade of the Diwali celebrations strikes out as an ecstatic memory. I remember a Diwali where I made lamps out of Terracotta baked in my own kitchen oven since we don’t get earthen lamps here for the puja. Saumya’s first Diwali and I spent the day sewing her a traditional Indian dress and neglected the rest of the preparations’ for the festival, that was stressful.
Its not a holiday for us at work and to be able to take the day off without any pressing work need is exceptionally rare. Taking out time from busy days to hang lights, make five kinds of sweets and all the cleaning and preparations seems like chore and not a fun family activity. May be the fact that I am so far away from India and not just from my family is contributing to the sorrow but one year when we did celebrate Diwali in India I don’t have any fond memory of that either, the focus totally wasn’t on celebrating even at that time.

This year is particularly tough on me because I harbored a dream from the beginning of this year when my brother and his wife moved to the States. I kept hoping and dreaming that this year would be a special celebration where I’ll celebrate Diwali with my Family, the one I was born into and the one that we have created. In May when I knew that we’ll be celebrating Diwali in a newer bigger house, I couldn’t just wait for my parents and brother and his wife to come and stay with us and we create some lifetime memories for all of us to cherish…
It wasn’t meant to be… the practicalities of life got in the way, they always do. And all that has turned me into a worst basket case than ever before but it’s not the end of life. I find solace in the fact that all of us are healthy and happy and will celebrate the festival, that’s important…

The big Festival Diwali is tomorrow on the new moon day but the celebrations started yesterday.
It was ‘dhanteras’ (Dhan=money + Teras= 13th). Traditionally it’s a day for buying and appreciating the precious metals but we didn’t buy any, just collected all the noble metals (Gold/Silver) in the home and offered it to the Gods and prayed. Since Saumya had a reading assignment and DH was helping her, only Divi and I did the Puja together. I showed her each coin and each idol and when she saw the silver metal idol of Godess Lakshmi, she said, ‘She is gorgeous’. I looked at her with a smile in amazement and I don’t know what she gathered from it but said, “I know what gorgeous mean, it means that she is beautiful”. And then she continued with her theories about God and family and extended family and it was simply amazing. There… I created a wonderful memory that I am going to look back upon and cherish forever. We lit a few candles, we wanted to put up some lighting in the porch but it was too windy so we dropped the idea.

Today is Narak Chaudas (Narak=Evil + Chaudas=14th). Today we clean out the impurities that surround us and those that dwell within us. We leave the excess baggage that we have accumulated throughout the year, physically and emotionally. I am bad at both, I cannot let go very easily so it is a very challenging day for me but I still intend to ‘clean’.

Tomorrow is Diwali, the most special day. We pray to Lord Ganesh for all the new beginnings and to Goddess Lakshmi to bless us with prosperity and growth. It is the day when, in the Mythological story Ramayana, Lord Ram returned to his kingdom after his 14 years of forest stay. Since it’s the 15th day of the moon cycle, the new moon day, the roads were dark so each household in the kingdom lit up the outside of their house to welcome him, Sita and Lakshman. We do just the same, light candles and put up string electric lights. We also pray to our writing/reading implements and officially close the books as it used to be the end of Financial Fiscal year in olden India and my ancestors were the Secretaries/ Financial officers for Gods and Kings’. We still continue with the tradition.
I had planned to take the day off but that would be my last available vacation and I found out a couple of days ago that I might need to take it later in November for a trip (that’s another story). Besides I have an important meeting that would be really good to attend. So, I’ll see what I can do but I am determined to create many happy memories for my kids for them to reflect back upon once they leave the nest.

The day after Diwali, is a new year day, Financial New year for us but Calendar year for some other communities. The calendar that we follow is called Vikram Samvat and its new year is in spring, celebrated with the Festival of Holi. The day after Diwali is mostly for gatherings, exchanging sweets and having a good time. We will have a little gathering at our place, just a little open house for friends to visit at their convenience.

Sunday is Bhai Dooj (Bhai=Brother+Dooj=second day). I anticipate this day to be another ball of tears as it is a day to celebrate brothers. I also celebrate my Dad, representing my Aunt (my Dad’s sister) who was not usually there for the celebrations. But then my daughters’ will get opportunity to celebrate each other and their Dad (representing their Aunt who’ll be missed at the occasion).

I’ll try to post pictures from the festival but for now, some from our visit to the Arboretum a few weeks ago to see falls colors. Its November and with Thanksgiving just around the corner every second word we read is 'Thanks', a constant reminder for all the good things this life has blessed us with...

This picture isn't from the Arboretum visit but I just wanted to include it in...

A few random updates

2010-11-01T22:19:00.000-05:00

- I woke up to Saumya’s voice yesterday, “wake up its Halloween today”. It was meant for her sister but was so amusing to hear her excited voice.

- We traded our old blue car last week for a newer and bigger vehicle but despite the comforts of the new car, we miss our cozy blue car. We have all expressed this feeling at least more than once. Kids miss it too.

- Despite our usual rule to not have more than one social engagement per weekend, October was exceptionally busy with lots of parties and many at my place or I had to cook.

-We finished painting girls play room last week and now waiting to put up chair rails and arrange furniture.

- We planted our first trees in the backyard all by ourselves (with the help of our neighbor). Divi calls the tall maple her ‘bean stalk’ (from jack and the bean stalk)

- We have curtains for all our windows and I am especially excited about the ones we picked for our bedroom. (p.s. we did have temporary curtains at all crucial locations ;-)). Sometime this week, they’ll be all up and hanging.

- I got beautiful bedside lamps and now I am frantically looking for a bedside table. We picked a table for DH but I haven’t found the perfect fit yet. I don’t want all things to look matching in the room.

- Halloween was extremely good and we got through three huge bags of candies/toys. I dressed up as an angel to hand out the candies while DH took the puppy and fairy around for trick or treating.

- Diwali is less than a week away and I haven’t planned the party for which I sent out informal invitations already.

- This year my ‘Karva chauth’ was very dramatic. DH fasted with me; his Tuesday fast coincided with the festival so it felt very filmy. (KC is a festival where women observe a very strict fast for their husband’s longevity and prosperity and in modern day cinema; husbands/ boyfriends are shown reciprocating by fasting for their wives/girl friends). And to top that in a very filmy fashion I passed out during my fast while attending a conference. I collapsed on the floor and was out for about 20 second but all’s well now.

- I am very disturbed by the way it is seen cool for men to crib about their wives. And then they put all wives in the same categories and I absolutely hate being judged based on perceptions or otherwise.

- I saved all the seeds from the pumpkin that the girls and DH carved yesterday and roasted them in the oven with salt and cinnamon. They turned out to be the best free and healthy snack ever.

- The way my weekends are going, I have actually started loving my Mondays. A day for me to get a break from cleaning and cooking. I love inviting people over but it entails cleaning which I do not look forward to. I need better organization.

Lake Superior Trip in pictures...

2010-10-18T09:15:00.000-05:00

Right before the sunrise

As the sun rose...

Sun rays hasn't made it to the earth yet...

Scenery is slowly litting up :)

The warmth of sun changed everything

Finished a puzzle right after breakfast

And then it was time to sit/walk by the lake and relax

A fire-ring submerged in water

Some fauna, that later came home in plastic cup

Girlies loved to walk on the rocky shore

Beach wood and some rocks, precious collections

On pebbles beach

Light house view...

Beautiful Fall colors

Birch, I love the texture and the cool contrast

Gooseberry Falls

Roots on top of the rocks...

Mr. Squirrel

Ms. Chikadee

Ms. Sunshine

Ms. Realist

We met a deer family on the way

Some stayed and posed while others ran away...

Your color personality is: Green

2010-10-06T10:48:00.001-05:00

I am in one big dilemma. Green isn’t my color; I mean I try to be as green as possible with a busy life but when it comes to physical color it isn’t my first choice. In fact there is no room in my new house that is going to be decorated predominantly green.

The only green wall color (partial) would be in girls play room to balance out the pink that I am thinking about using. Other than that girls’ bedroom would have a few green accents to add punch to the lavender and white room and the guest bedroom would have a few sprigs of it.

So now back to my dilemma. I was planning on painting my bedroom this cool shade of blue grey and it’s not even remotely green. But this personality test that I took over at Better Homes and Garden website insists that green would recharge me. I guess I need to contemplate…LOL

What is your color Personality?
It sounds like the hue you most relate to is green -- the color most evocative of nature. Adjectives such as kind, gentle, and contemplative likely describe you. You enjoy being involved with your neighbors and coworkers, but you also require plenty of time to yourself to recharge.You are social yet introverted, and modern but not trendy. Surround yourself with your signature color to create a restful, soothing environment. From sage to hunter, green can work well in virtually every room of your house. Use it generously to create a haven you'll love coming home to.

I’ll let you know how things pan out in the end, but at this moment I think I am going to go with my design instinct rather than what a magazine website says based on some generic software. You know there could be ‘bugs’ in the program. (My husband designs computer software for a living so I know ‘bugs’ are an integral part of job security ;))

On a completely different note, because I owe a reply to my friend and it’s been slipping my mind, I am going to tell you how I hang my pictures on the wall.
Push pins are my best friend when there is a design emergency and I need to hang something on the wall right at the moment when I thought of it. For lighter things (small photo frames or small masks) it works even in the long run but bigger and heavier things need the monkey hook for longer durations. They are almost as quick as the push pins but are much more reliable.
When the job requires something sturdier than these like mirrors or bigger canvas, I lean on picture hooks. Anything beyond that which needs an anchor in the wall, a stud locator or a drill bit, sits on the floor leaning against the wall it is supposed to hang on till DH takes pity on it and adopts it as his project.

So, I hope it helps with your next hanging project…

Weekend at Lake Superior

2010-09-29T11:33:00.001-05:00

Last weekend, my husband did what he does best, made an impromptu plan; a plan to spend the weekend at Lake Superior. I had no idea about the resort he booked, the room or what sort of amenities it had. But if it’s the day before the travel when the reservations were made that means I had given up long ago.

We left late Friday afternoon and I was so exhausted by the time we got there and were through with our dinners that the glimpse of the simmering moon on the lake through the picturesque window was all I could afford before the sleep embraced me and lulled me to dream land.

The following morning was better, I took pictures of the sunrise and after breakfast we spend a lot of time on the rocky shores and it was a calming experience. I took pictures and assembled a terrarium.

Often, when I am surrounded by such beauty and serenity of nature, my mind and body rushes in mad excitement to embrace each element and hold it all together within me. I blindly take pictures, I collect random tidbits, I stare and meditate over the scenery; all that so that I can take it with me wherever I go, hold it close to be and make it a part of my life.

And almost like a sequential thought and a reoccurring dream, the next stream of thoughts that follow is the realization that it is already me, I am one with the nature, I carry it within me. I don’t need memorabilia or tangible proof of all that that’s already with and within me. I find the self held together in a porous cup and can feel the nature breathing through each pore of by being and that moment of peace is so grounding. I am as big or as small as I choose to be, I can focus on the body that’s holding me or the friends and family that make up my social identity or just the nature as a whole and be a part of the world seen or unseen…

Ah! It was a good to get away and breathe for a little bit…

Me: the Abridged Version

2010-09-17T14:33:00.001-05:00

I was feeling a little unappreciated for past sometime and so to correct the situation I decided to change things around and start appreciating my own self. And I ended up registering for Cathy Z’s ‘Me: the Abridged Version’, an online class. It lasts four weeks and in the end I get an album, apparently all about me and so if at the end of these four weeks I seize to exist, there would be a proof in the form of ‘Abridged Me’.

What better way to bring the focus back to yourself.

It started yesterday and so far there have been two prompts?

FIRST PROMPT: What can you not imagine living without?

My initial reaction, nothing absolutely nothing, life itself is the greatest gift and I’ll take whatever it offers, I’ll not (at least try not) to complain.

Then I had to think a little deeper, so if a life is given to you what would you like in it?
I guess the prime would be my health.

If I am on my feet and doing things, then I’d like to do things for someone and in the closest circle of love lies my girls and my parents and the rest of the family. If I have my family around to share the good and bad times of this life and the basic necessities of this life covered then I might wish for a few things to add luxury to this life and I think that’s where the prompt was referring to.

So, to maintain my sanctity I’d like to Eat, Pray and Run.

- My prayer beads as a reminder to pray and be thankful for the life I have got.

- My running shoes that would keep the adrenaline going through the veins.

- And fresh food, that I can cook and share with family and friends.

My family and friends are scattered throughout the world and so I need my laptop and an internet connection to feel socially secured. My camera would be the next thing I want because of course I’d like to preserve and share glimpses from my life.

Then comes the real luxury part, I’d like to keep my car, the comfy bed, my down comforter, my watch, a telephone, my access to all things fresh (I don’t particularly like things canned), being able to travel every once in a while, keep all the memories (the tangible ones).

So from needing nothing I have gone to creating quite a list but I guess that was the intent of this prompt, to make me think what is important for me in this life. Look forward to a similar analysis of the next prompt 

my Karma...

2010-09-10T23:54:00.000-05:00

One time during a heated debated with one of my good friends, he spite back that it is my Karma to go through the suffering that I happened to be dealing with at the moment.
That sentence, used as an excuse stung quite a bit and it still does on some level but for the most part it has now become a healing statement.

In the middle of deep sadness when I wish that this life be over cause I cannot take it anymore, I am reminded that it is my Karma that led me to it and unless I change my thinking and learn from the experience, life is continuously going to present me with same situations and the cycle of Karma will go on beyond death till I consciously put an end to it. It gives me strength to deal with it sometimes even when I don't know what I am supposed to learn from a bitter experience, I find solace that its my Karma and I must deserve it just like all the good things that this life has presented me with and I must deserve them as well...

Just a random thought that I wished to document and share...

Right now...

2010-09-08T10:37:00.000-05:00

I am envious of people who

- have time to sit and read a book
- sleep 8 or more hours each night
- can indulge in their hobbies
- can go for a leisure walk or a quick run
- live in a clean and organized home
- are traveling to a nature intense destination and hiking or biking or running
- are eating lunches/ dinner with friends
- can stay home
- can listen to music without interruption
- can play with their kids without a to-do list weighing on their mind
- have time to fix pictures and upload them the same day they were taken
- have the time to reply to all emails/FB comments/ pictures they fancy

I guess, the list can go on and on… but I need to stop sulking

I am thankful for (and pray for those who don’t yet have)
- a job that pays the bills
- a place to call my own
- a family to go back to
- more than enough food required for nourishment
- only the stress that I can handle
- no physical pain besides the unfriendly migraines
- friends that I can meet in the virtual world if not personally all the time
- the instrument called phone so I can listen to my family when I am away
- the flexibility of schedule at work
- my trust in the universe, in God

home again...

2010-09-08T07:59:00.000-05:00

August 27, 2010
Sitting in the living room at looking out the window, it hits me that the maple tree right outside the window is mine to take care of and so is the window through which I am looking out and it is beautiful feeling and yet a tremor in the heart, I hope I am worth it, I hope it isn’t another of nature’s trick to teach me a lesson.

It is so strange that my mind rather than marveling at the opportunity that I get to experience this moment is racing into the future and contemplating fear of losing it. I tried to drag it back to the present and was successful to some extent but then it indulged again in a not so fearful future, like the color my dining area will get and the window treatments that need to be bought. And the moment of ecstatic peace that I felt when I looked at the Maple tree is lost forever.

August 30, 2010
I wrote that above paragraph in a quiet moment over the weekend and then was interrupted by life as we all know it, never got a chance to finish writing my further thoughts but as I recall it now, the pressure to keep my mind in the moment buried me under a long to-do list.

Since there is no point rambling over lost thoughts, I’ll share some pictures with you. These were taken the day before we moved in and the twilight wasn’t helpful capturing the details inside the house but still enough to show you the bones. This past week we have been working hard to add warmth to the bare walls and I might probably share some pictures of the chaos of the first few weeks.

Right now I am thinking that having baby and buying a new house is a very similar process, after the initial excitement wears down all you can think of is the day care and diaper and college tuition and reasonable nutrition and it the case of a new house, like me all I see is unpacked boxes and decorating projects and getting the laundry from baskets to the drawers.

Here they are, the initial pictures

A few random things…

2010-08-18T15:07:00.000-05:00

This is the last week of my vegetarian month and I am craving eggs. I guess my body needs protein. Usually if my mind gives in, the fast is broken, so this time yet again my mental fast is broken.

It was exactly 7 years and 10 months ago that we ‘had to’ put our first house on the market and over the years I have lived (rental and owned) in beautiful places but the pain of losing our first house lurked just under the skin. Now, as we get ready to sign the paperwork for the new house, and throughout the process of building one, I found that old anguish retreating to the back ground.

Kids are totally into learning Hindi these days. It was the beginning of the year when Somu said she would like to learn Hindi this year and she has been at it very diligently. It started with writing Hindi alphabet with Mom and then learning Hindi rhymes with Mami (Aunt) while she was visiting but with Dadi (Grandma) around the learning is lot more structured. Somu takes pride in teaching Divi, how to speak Hindi, who can count up to ten in Hindi and ask, ‘Aapko chai pina hai’ (Do you want to drink tea).

These days as the move and work and the other things of life are piling against me, all I wish to do is just sit down. Read books, watch movies, make art with kids and take them to the park and basically just chill… I’d also like to start running on a schedule and increase some mileage.

As I move into the new house, I am thinking about acquiring old vintage pieces and incorporating them in our home. I am also planning to include lots of kids’ art in the displays.

Divi cannot stop talking about her Bunny, it started sometime in Early May but these days no sentence is complete without the mention of the Bunny, which is actually the Degue, a pet at the school. She keeps mentioning that she needs to visit the bunny as she is lonely, guess she is missing school. And her greatest phrase of endearment is ‘My bunny loves you’.