Thursday, March 31, 2011

If it works, stick with it...

We often take things for granted, if its mine its bound to be ordinary, it was only special till it was beyond my reach. And when we loose those same ordinary things that we depended on so much, we miss them terribly. As you'll read towards the end of the post the thought that started this series of thinking was also very ordinary run of the mill but because it provoked so much more within the grey cells may be it was more than that...

As we first step out of the house, for pre-school/ kindergarten, our parents and then teachers and then the society teaches us to work in the group, adjust with others, don't boast your own self, be considerate. I was one of those kids that took a long time to adjust to the fact that once I left my parents home, I was not a princess anymore. I was bossy and imposing and although I have tempered a bit, I haven't changed much. So, I assume, all kids must go through this phase where they realize that they are not special anymore, the best student of the class, he/she is the best and we should all try to be like him/her because of course, he/she gets good grades, awards, praises, everything.
Then we take our focus away from that best person because it too tough to be the best and remain there, so we form peer groups among other similarly emotionally inclined creature who also happen to be in the same dilemma of the impending adolescent. The effect, the pressure, the image we identify with continues to grow with the confusion and the peers that often surround us. Pretty soon, the fog lifts and we find ourselves amidst responsibilities and having to fetch our own path, our own ideal; something that we forgot to create because there was nothing special in us, it was always that other smarter kid that we followed and looked up to.
So we continue looking for that smarter kid to follow; and in the modern times more often than not its a media personality or icon. Hair like that, body like this, home like that, car like this...

We keep looking for that perfect image that we can follow, and in our exhaustion and confusion the life continues, like a blur, a self inflicted fog which we are afraid to lift because we might discover ourself. And we are not the prince/princess anymore, we are that other person who is left out and is not perfect. A compliment from someone else seem like a sly joke, well because I am a nobody, till of course the advertisement on the back of the magazine tells me that 'I am worth it'.

Wouldn't it be so wonderful if we weren't told to curb our personality and were given the opportunity to explore and discover ourself. My parents love me because of who I am and not because I am a size 2 and look good in a bikini. My parents don't love the engineer in me, the cook, the perfect house-keeper, they just love me and have loved me long before I became any of that, who I identify myself as.
So, there is a connection somewhere that is severed. Growing up the mind got the signals to be and to follow that perfection that is never achieved. And now its media, magazines, newspapers all telling me how should I look, what should be the length of my skirt and the thickness of the heels of my shoes and the color of the walls of my bedroom.
Where is my consent, my priority, what do I like, what makes me happy? Do I even know the line where my happiness is because I am complying and others approve of it ends and my personal freedom starts. Do we ever sit long enough to truly understand our own happiness?

I have been thinking a lot about how media influences me and I am trying to stay away from popular culture, sensational news that I have no control over, just for the sanity of my mind. But I find the same things everywhere, fashion magazine, catalogs, home decor, they all are trying to mold me into something that they perceive as perfection. And who are they, followers of a few who failed to conform to the rules of the society to begin with. Who perhaps are a little less convoluted in there minds about their own identity. There must be some who feel good in there own skin and can embrace their own uniqueness.

The quote from Marianne Williamson in the movie 'Akeela and the Bee
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

Hence, my topic for the post, we all discover little things in our life that work for us but because we have it, we tend to discount it and negate it and often loose it; only to realize how well it worked for us, with us. I rediscovered yoga after about 6-7 months. I had misplaced the yoga DVD during the move and never missed it, that is, till all my experiments to stay fit were lost on me and I did need to go back to something tried and tested. It took an hour to look for my DVDs and now I am back on my track, I realized how effective it is and how much I took it for granted. But now I know, if it works stick with it. Not everything else works as well... told you it was silly thing that generated the whole series of thoughts.


  1. I LOVE this post!
    And I'll tell you that it's often the silly things that take my mind off in a whole new direction.
    But one that I needed to go :)
    I think you are wonderful!

    And this makes me think of my son. Who is struggling at school a bit with other kids because he is not an athlete.
    But you know what, he is an amazing artist and super creative.
    And that is who he is!
    I don't want him to feel he has to be something he isn't because of mean things kids say!!

  2. I totally agree with you there about correcting the damage and at least making our kids feel adequate in their own personality but its tough to correct all nodes, I guess as mothers we can do our bit and hope they'll realize it for themselves.