Friday, January 01, 2016

Word for the year 2016: Surrender

2015 was the tipping point year, things slowly changed and then one day everything changed all at once. We must have been building up to the threshold for past many years but it all happened now.
It was a pivoting year on so many different levels and while it had beautiful moments, on a personal level it was a year of crisis.
And during these moments of change I kept hoping for that voila! moment that would make sense and will complete the picture and I would know the destination waiting for my at the end of this path. And that is the reason for my new year wish to everyone… 'May we discover happiness in mediocre'. That we don't keep holding our breath for the perfect moment, perfect partner, perfect job but look for joys in  ordinary moment. Because if you want to be happy just be, don't put conditions on your happiness.

I 'forged' ahead anyways and the circumstances around me threw my existence in a detox mode, I was stripped of everything I could identify with- my friends, my job, my home, my comfort level, my motivation to make things… And I asked myself over and over again, who I am when I am none of the things that I identified with all along… A year of reflection for sure!
In the end the solace lied in the fact that I chose it all but at the core of it, it really doesn't matter. Stuff happens and we go through it at a whirlwind speed determined by external circumstances and control is just an illusion.
But I'm proud to say I forged ahead anyways, I'll look back years later and think, 'it was crazy but it was worth it'. The willingness to go along anyways, left me scarred and full of doubts. It was during  a yoga session when I decided to let go and just be in the moment without any pretense of who I am supposed to be that that I found ground underneath and the word surrender appeared in my horizon.  

It was a moment of true mind body connection, when you let go of the tension in the muscles and stop resisting the force, something inside changes and you easily collapse into the pose. Into a new you that you never knew existed… so I hope that with that 'surrender' I'll emerge into a new me, body and mind all in balance.  
Surrender doesn't mean giving into fear or fall into inactivity but for me it means 'letting go' of images, of expectation, of perfection, of outcomes… it means to follow my curiosity and make efforts without attaching myself to the results.
I haven't discovered any new philosophy or reached a conclusion that others before me haven't found but for me in my journey right now, it makes sense to me… to surrender

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