Being an expat, one learns to lean on their spouse, a lot. There is always a balance but during my initial years in the States, the scale was severely skewed with me leaning heavily on DH, not just financially but emotionally as well… leaving my family, friends and job behind in the age of no internet and very expensive long distance phone calls was very tough to say the least, and devastating on some levels.
But I survived and learnt to thrive largely due to my husband.
And now that we have settled into a rhythm of life, the assurance of each others presence taken for granted, I sometimes fail to appreciate all that that has taken to get us to this level of comfort. Looking back at those years and all that we have been through together since then, fills me with gratitude. I am glad I married the man I did.
It takes years’ worth of moments which brick by brick and layer by layer build the institution called marriage. It took many moments of caring, sharing and meaningful exchanges and few of neglect and disengagement as well for us to grow together and grow as individuals as well, and whether its perfect or not, it is where we are and it is our Present for ourselves, our family and for society as well.
My favorite lines are the last few from Khalil Gibran's poem on Marriage —
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
It’s wonderful to be married to the one who:
- Shares your values and is not intimidated by you, (yes I admit I am bully).
- Makes spicy Maggi noodle soups for you when weather takes you under.
- Keeps the kids busy when you are suffering through migraine
- Loves the food that you cook or shall I say experiment with.
- Forgets important dates and occasions and then buys you roses for no reasons.
- Has seen you gain 80 pounds and loved your through each ounce of it and has also witnessed your struggle to get your body back.
- Has seen you and supported you birthing a baby or two; changed their nappies without complain and then woke you up to feed the babies cause you were too sedated to feel the clock ticking by.
- When he sees you crying in the closet all naked because nothing fits the way you want it to; and instead of being sympathetic, gets aroused because he thinks you are still beautiful despite those extra pounds.
- Makes the yummiest and fattiest foods that trips your diet plans and when you complain, asks you to start tomorrow and that he'll join in (the tomorrow that never actually comes).
- Reprimands you for doing the dishes cause it’s his job, even if cannot get to it for two days in a row.
- Keeps kids at the library every weekend so you can attend your kathak classes, 25 miles away from home.
- Brings Paratha, chai and Taco Bell fire sauce for you to your daughters basketball practice since you have been fasting since morning and have another activity planned right after the basketball game.
- If you complain about sleeping in till late and missing out on going to the gym, he winks and says good now we can have coffee together.
The list can go on... and it essentially should keep growing... but for now,
Happy Wedding Anniversary Honey!